So I can’t help but feel that this is so backwards. There are questions like: Should a child be denied health care because they don’t have enough money? Should someone who is not sick be forced to pay for someone who is? If insurers can charge whatever they choose to add previously denied children to policies doesn’t that make those children, still, un-insurable?
The first two questions are questions of philosophy and about how we all want to live together. The third question is more of an indictment of our politicians, the insurance companies and the media.
Is there anyone who feels that a child, meaning someone who has been brought into the world as an effect of the choice of two “adults” should be denied health care? The child has no money making capacity, and for practical purposes didn’t choose his or her familial situation. Who thinks a sick child should be simply left, unattended? I would bet not many.
So what’s the problem? Well aside from the fact that the whole thing is basically political and strategic posturing and that the priority is not helping children but making popular laws and insuring that the companies that contribute to election campaigns are taken care of…there is the problem of process.
Process. Because most of us agree that a child shouldn’t be turned down for health care doesn’t mean that someone else should be forced to pay for that child. The evil that exists by trying to make those two ideas congruent is this: It assumes that human nature is evil, it assumes that if left to our own devices human beings would not take care of children without the threat or imposition of force. That is the bottom line. The people and yes these are real people representing you and me, when the people who make these laws go to bed at night they are fearful for their lives, they think everyone is out to get them, they think that if the world was left without significant government imposition it would devolve into chaos. They think that they are the arbiters of goodness, justice and humanity when what they are is the opposite.
Our species has been on the planet long before the politicians, long before CAT scans, long before laws, long before insurance companies, long before taxes. We survived. We are still here. How impossibly arrogant is it that the people who are making these rules think that without the rules (essentially without them) our humanity would be left to it’s natural state of rottenness. This is because rotten is how they feel about their own humanity. And the effect of what they are doing, the effect of these laws by the end of a gun are to separate us from our humanity – that’s what is happening. We are no longer required to think about what it means to be human, what it means to be compassionate, what it means to care for someone. We don’t have to do it anymore because others are doing it for us. Or at least they are “saying” that they will do it for us.
This article is an example of the destruction of the human spirit and it’s replacement of humanity with law.
I – Sons
When the deepening occurs
you are seated, once again
for the first time – familiar-.
Yet no sense, no thought nor emotion
would have ever held the potency
Fears evaporated like water (and, if not mindful, others will replace them)
But for now the vapor is cause for amusement
and after oceans have dissapeared
you can walk along the sea bed
and wander – wonder
at what was always there, underneath.
Ahhh but what, what could be this heat
that makes an ocean inconsequential.
What must this scorching heat be –
oceans turned to dust.
And the shells that are left glitter
Don’t be fooled…although the sun sets
and the waves lap easily
the oceans beauty betrays the fearful,
the real beauty is the solid rock below.
Ohhh what tremendous fire ball cooks the betrayer
turning to dust all that is not rock and solid
while glittering, simple things lie
as they always have
at the bottom.
What ferocious flame.
What size of sun.
What Herculean Heat
for bringing what has been hidden
II – Fathers
I don’t understand how one man could kill another
once he has looked into the eyes of his son,
into the eyes of the woman who is and has given him.
Perhaps if the child is taken by force,
-are these childless men that celebrate death by force-
We only live in our world
and in mine I am changed, deepened.
How does a father begin to murder.
This questions is new and the answer
doesn’t come to me
and I don’t know.
In my world there is no murder – only gifts
gifts that have struck me dumber
awakened me from my slumber,
the number of times I’ve closed my eyes
and the lies and furrowed sighs
fall away as I rise
to meet the giant that is my son.
And as I stand and stretch and reach
to hold myself up to him
I feel my body, my foundation, my glittering
priceless things shaking with humility
at what lies directly in front of me.
and I weep like the child I once was.
and I put down the guns and the allow
the fortress to be vaporized with all the rest.
I allow myself to be defeated
and I look into my smiling and bursting heart
and see My Son.
Is all that I have left
my base is now what used to be my protection
there is nothing below
and the illusions have all been eaten
I am full in my head
but hungry in my soul
the blood of the betrayers
the blood of the betrayers
something in me tries
to look at the grass
and to see the reasonableness
but as soon as there is a light tap
on my shoulder
teeth exposed and gnashing
and hoping for flesh
and spittle flies
and my desire comforts me
and feeds my furious hunger
my eyes roll back
and I allow myself to be consumed
Peter Welch is the leader of …what is it, I can’t even name it and if I can’t name it how could I write about it. I guess I’ll try.
He leads people who want the government to take care of everything, he leads people who have given up their belief in the human spirit…he leads the dead.
Peter Welch is a leader of the dead, disguising the bottom of the barrel as the cream of the crop, celebrating the death of innovation with manufactured progress and strangling the human spirit with his relentless assumption that he follows the righteous path. He is the worst we have to offer because he is a strategist and his main strategy is to be popular, which if he succeeds will end up getting him re-elected and maybe even a seat in a higher level office. There seems to be almost no escape from his agenda and in fact more an more each sloganized, shrink wrapped, sterilized idea he promotes is met by louder and louder cheers from a populace that I have become convinced is lobotomized by comfort and like a sex fiend celebrates even the inkling of a pleasurable impact on themselves without regard for principle, ethics or the human spirit. I have been and continue to be fully and violently disgusted that the people of Vermont celebrate Peter Welch and what he represents in the world.
So now that I’ve got that off my chest, what does a person do about this. What does a person who cares enough to read and write about Peter Welch do, what action is to be taken in response to this vision, this strategist, this usurper of the last bit of human good
Maybe putting down the indignation for a while and writing about love is a good idea.
It’s 10:45 now and you are sputtering like a motor boat. I’ve put you down to sleep instead of carrying you around because it didn’t seem like you wanted to be held. You got quiet, found your thumb and rested for about 5 minute before becoming more restless and now I am close to picking you up again. I am discovering the transition between holding and walking you to sleep and letting you find it on your own. I have not found it yet nor have you.
Mom has gotten up now as your cries become louder, she wants to rub your back, she is rubbing but it is not helping…you are getting more upset.
Then I picked you up and you settled into me. We could tell you were tired by your cry, like wanting to give up – it was a surrendering cry, not a hungry or agitated cry – those cry’s crescendo and build – the tired cry loses steam quickly and although it can be loud it doesn’t maintain strength.
I walked you and held you close to me but not too close because you like to have your space, you like to dictate when it is you will act, you don’t like to be forced, and who does. I try to be conscious of this. I held you close and spoke to you about being the one (with mommy) that can help you transition, that can help you to relax. I told you it was safe for you, safe to sleep, that I had you and it was ok, all the time walking slowly and gently bouncing my body to give you some rhythm. It didn’t take long – your eyes stayed wide for a bit, but within 5 minutes you had given up, we had both won, sleep had come, you had released yourself from the excitement of the day and allowed your little body to breath and rest and regain it’s strength. What a wonder you are to me my son, I have never seen or experienced anything so beautiful in all my life, there is nothing close, nothing that speaks to me like you, nothing that allows me to see more deeply into my soul and my being than you. I am in awe of you and I am your caretaker. My son, my son – you are sleeping.
Fatherhood is knowing yourself
fatherhood is accepting yourself
it is the safety of strong arms
in the introduction to strong winds
Can I write a newsletter about fatherhood and what it means in the world? How can I write about what it means in the world if I don’t know what it means to me. Fatherhood to me is a responsibility to be better, it’s is the only true second chance in life. It is the allowance, no, the catalyst for the refreshment of your soul, your innocence, your spirit, your truth, your peace. Can you have those things apart from fatherhood, of course. Refreshment is the word. Whether your world has become dull and bleak or whether you live in full light or somewhere in between Fatherhood is the best reason to start over…
Which begs the question why? Why not start over without being a father, before being a father, having never been a father? What do you have with fatherhood that you don’t have without it? A child. But what is a child…
A child is the product of two people’s love for themselves and for life
A child is the product of sex
a child is the product of two peoples pleasure
A child is the product of a sperm meeting an egg
So what transforms the biological
to the psychological
to the philosophical
How does the cellular mass that is a sperm
and the cellular mass that is an egg
to the child that smiles at me.
It’s is the answer of all questions…
it is the only answer of life…
the first answer
Does a mother bird think her offspring
Does a baby lizard
coo to his mother
What is the endearment?
Live like a live wire
Something funny while eating cereal
toasted O’s in plastic and cardboard
I realized how I allow the lies
and how I shape them into my sculpture
So I sat and wrote about it, after finishing
I wrote about my story and my dreams
At how completely I have allowed myself
the compromises that layered, like liquid amber
the stories of my life, each layer hardening
before another is laid down, lies, compromise
just a little, a little more
and the hard shell makes it hard to go back
Like a bee trying to escape through a closed window
I hit my head, I hit my head, I hit my head
but unlike the bee
I eventually give up and turn away from the light
and when that happens all that is left is the
fluorescents of my mind
and the bountiful hallways of concrete and steel
bountiful is part of the compromise, lies
Live like a live wire – and how is that
I ask – a live wire is fire and twisting energy
shooting electrics and sparks and hiss and pop
and unable to be contained and impossible to be contained
and so then I dreamt again of a part of me
that had grown tired of life, after working so hard
to not be tired and working and working
that part of me committed suicide in my dream
Live like a live wire – I now think to myself
and glance in my mind like a voracious tiger
at the paper and fabrication all around me
at my glass house in which I have been quietly
and diligently seated, it’s not about making noise
for sure, it’s about living like a live wire
there is no way the flammable walls can hold
up against the flying sparks and besides
it has nothing to do with the walls anyway.
I am the architect of life
the shaper of the source
the cause of all effects
there is nothing more to pay
nothing more to capture
there is no more search
and accept the majesty
and welcome it’s warmth
different than anything you’ve felt
it comes from a sacred place
like a cave in the ocean cliffs
like a clearing
in a dense wood
there is power there
the only power
look away and up
and allow your ambition
there is no mission
is the point
or at least
no mission as we understand it
what is the drive to perfection
what is the denial of ourselves
and the true source of perfection
how do you try to perfect
immediate is the destruction
look up and away
turning eyes to the sky
and imagination and thought
without the self
immediate is the destruction
ahh but therein lies the joke
once imagined always imagined
and the burning houses of our souls
are only like the
of water or heat
and none the less we run from it
as if there was somewhere else to go
instead of staying
and being consumed
and seeing the flames around us
become like flowers
turning our eyes downward
in our arms we hold the best
There were two men talking about the end of society
one man said
“our civilization, today, is like a scorpion, it’s only response to adversity is to sting”
A baby coo’d to his mother
We are meant to love
in the beauty of relationship
to experience ourselves
all else is distraction
do you pay attention
answer that question
either distraction or fulfillment
do you pay attention
while you build the building
and develop the cure
and micro the wave
and tiny the chip
come back to yourself
you have strayed
is still a departure
no matter how great
or a killing
is still a departure
and ohh how we have striven
reaching out and forgetting ourselves
in the shadow
and that’s if we’re lucky
and then our reward becomes
and sometimes death
whether we know it or not
just look around at all the distraction
our quest for perfection
in line and form
the only difference
is that we do not wet our pants
(as much) today
strive and strive to be alive
and erect and protect
avoid the noose on the neck
look at all the distraction
call it progress
silly silly humans
curing and caring and sharing
and building and willing
and milling about
with no doubt
“olllllly fucking hell”
from the top of my bottom
“FUCK” I say
in pure Glor-ay
look around at all the distraction
I’m gonna hold on that action
hold I say
A baby at rest tends to stay at rest
at least until he doesn’t
but when encountering a baby at
any attempt to better the situation
will be met
with violent unrest at worst
and at best
you risk the rest
A baby at rest is best
left at rest
it is a situation that cannot be improved upon