It’s not that another journey begins…it’s that my own journey continues on a different course. There is plenty of back story and plenty of time for that and who knows if I’ll even get to it or if I’ll even continue to write going forward; ahh, but i am writing now and what I am writing now is a reflection of what I have learned about myself in the last few days (how gifted am I, how spectacular, that I get to keep learning about myself, that I am not static, that I am uncomfortable, that I don’t feel good, that I get to explore – if I want – how spectacular). I have two items in front of me that I am struggling with. The first is my weight, an effect of my choices in my life. The second is this business that I am growing, also an effect of my choices.
What I learned (again, in some ways) is that I am simply a young child who wants to feel comforted, good, loved and has always thought and expected that those feelings would come from outside of myself (understandably so because when I was young, in a sense, they did come from outside). I learned (again) that I am not my feelings. And I learned that the struggle I have created in myself is a story that I make up (well the struggle is real, kind of, I make it a struggle in my head, but in reality there is no struggle).
So what’s next? Well next is putting down the story and looking at my life and feeling my vulnerability and recognizing that if I want certain things in life that I don’t currently have it will take effort and it will take being uncomfortable and it will take persistence and then choosing whether the things I want are valuable enough to me to endure the pain of what it will take to achieve (or attempt to achieve) them.
My struggle has evolved.
Thank you Dani Padilla, Monica Duran, Kieth Raniere, Nancy Salzman, Sally Gindel-Brink, James Arthur Keith Brink, family, friends (old and new) and especially thank you to those who have challenged me with honesty.
My intent is to document this next direction in my life here…on these pages…will you come with me? I hope so…