Archive | December 2017

Is Desire A Punishable Offense?

Federico Garcia To Burn With DesireToday is a pixel day. Yesterday was pen and paper. Today, it’s pixels.

Where would I be without my desire? Have you ever thought about that? I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I feel lately (in the last 7 or 8 years) and I realize there’s a correlation between how much I want and how happy I am. The more I want, the less happy I am.

There is a distinction in “want” I want to make. In this case I mean more of a feeling of want, desirous, compelled, usually related to appetites, emotional appetites (I want to call it appetitties which might actually be more reflective of the feeling). I mean my want for sex, comfort, pleasure. My want to be emotionally stable, not upset, not ridiculed or even pointed at. My want to be alone and undisturbed. This is not my want of a more peaceful world or my want for a walk in the woods or a game of catch with my son. This is the desirous want that can consume me if I “want” it to, that’s the “want” I’m talking about.

What I realize is that I feel completely incapable of living without my “wants”. Who would I be without the things I want. And the greatest of those wants is my want of women. I have defined myself by my want of women. Great swaths and huge patches of my life are colored with my want of women.

There are two things: The first is the recognition that the more I “want” the less happy I am. And the second, who am I if I a not the man who desires women?

Where will I get my joy? Yes. That is what I call joy.

A more accurate statement would be: The only thing that really makes me feel good, or alive, is my desire for women and my whole life is colored in that desire internally and externally. My feeling about this is if I don’t have this, this desire of women, I have nothing; actually, I have worse, I have me and the silent pit of despair that is my internal world. Women are the light and I am the dark. This is somewhat of a generalization and exaggeration. I mean I can still laugh and find joy in my life even with this pit of despair! But overall the silent pit of despair is a real thing for me.

I no longer believe in my mind that women are the light and I am the dark, but it’s taken me a long time and I still feel as if it’s true and act as if it’s true, not always and not as much, but still more than anything else.

How can this be good for me? How can this be good for the people I care about? It can’t.

So what to do, then, about this desire, this want, that has so defined me and my life. A man says we must  un-box and dissect and study each piece of this desire to know it and therefor overcome it. A woman says we must invite it whole, accept it whole and become it fully and then we will know it. I don’t know which one, or both or how much of either. But what I do know is there is little consideration for these important questions and I think that’s bad.

I believe there is some kind of conspiracy or knowledge that perpetuates certain directed action within our social and cultural worlds. This conspiracy or knowledge believes it’s important to keep people divided and aware of their differences and seeks to fill people with anxiety that causes paralysis by encouraging a constant environment of fear, need and crises. An environment where you must constantly act a role for or against something but you must act this role within a structure while not being aware of the structure or your participation in creating the very thing that you are acting for or against.

There is no time to consider your human self outside of culture or society or your roles, separate from your work, your responsibilities, your family, your fear, your wants. There is no time to wonder at the awe of life and earth and your ability to perceive it all. There is no time to get lost and found and lost again. There is no time to be in love. I believe this is by design.

I believe that there is a group that benefits from people not being in love. And whether or not it’s a conspiracy actually doesn’t matter. What matters are only questions: Is there a better way? Do you want a better way? Is there a way that doesn’t make our reactions to fear and desire the primary drivers of our lives? What could we create as humans if we felt love and acceptance more than fear and division? And what is inhibiting this? Is anything inhibiting it? Yes. I think so.

I think it starts, very basically, very simply, by not allowing ourselves to be separated. It starts by not buying that we are so different from each other. I have been a proponent of these differences between us, specifically between men and women, and I have been wrong. There is no difference between any of us that is greater than our common humanity. As humans we are one family and therefor fighting about differences to the point of killing each other or being immersed in a culture and society that encourages division, separation, fear and hate is an abject failure of leadership, society and culture. Not a failure of humanity.

We do not have to be set in our ways. We do not have to chose a path because it exists. We do not have to follow and we do not have to lead. We can change our culture, we can change our society, we can change our leadership, we can change our priorities. We can do anything if we’re together as a human family. Just as we can do nothing but destroy ourselves if we are not.

Don’t believe what anyone tells you. Find your commonality and share it with someone. You can give in but don’t give up.


Mutilating Kids is Not a Contest, It’s Bad

Mutilating Kids is Not A Contest, It’s Bad This is a link to the 2 1/2 minute video above. It’s deeply disturbing.

What might be more disturbing is the trend that I am waking up to that treats males as if they are not human. I’m going to be writing on this for a while, maybe my entire life, because I want more peace in the world and the only way to achieve it is to get to the truth of things. Everything we hide from, everything we hide, will make it harder and less effective to do good in the world.

So if you want to do good in the world and not just feel good in the world, it might be time to wake up.

Watch the video, look at this child’s face. Do some searching of your own. I haven’t done a lot but I’ve done more than most and here’s some sad facts.

When you search Male Genital Mutilation you get 66,000 results

When you search Female Genital Mutilation you get 190,000 results

In brief searches for “how many males are circumcised in the world” it seems like the general consensus is that around 30% of males in the WORLD are circumcised. There are 7.5 (or so) billion people in the world and it’s split 50/50 (for arguments sake) so there are about 3.75 billion males and 3.75 billion females. That means that 1,125,000,000 PEOPLE (men) have been genitally mutilated.

and when you search “how many females are circumcised in the world” an interesting thing happens, the search returns results for “genital mutilation”, this doesn’t happen when you do the search for boys. The results again are not something I’ve delved deeply into because that’s not my point but at quick glances from the WHO, for example, it looks as if 200,000,000 PEOPLE have been genitally mutilated. A truly horrific number.

But look at me!  Even with my intent in writing this, even with my awakening in process around the depth of the lies that have built our structure and our beliefs, I feel much more emotional (at least on the surface) about 200 million females being mutilated than I do about more than 5 times that many boys being mutilated. That’s me. Fuck…

One more glom of points here is that most of the numbers of people, CHILDREN, that are mutilated are not in the United States. Generally the highest prevalence is in Africa and the Middle East, where rates for both can push high 90%. So what does it say about the adults of the United States?  When I searched “genital mutilation in the us” the first page returned results ONLY about Female Genital Mutilation and as far as I could tell there were no HARD numbers, the numbers that were given were categorized as “women who have undergone or are at risk” and the number that I found was about 500,000.

So because there was no mention of men or boys on the generic search I did above, I searched “male genital mutilation in the us”. The second article returned was a CNN article entitled “The Alarming Rise of Female Genital Mutilation in the US” and two of the top 10 articles returned included Femal Genital Mutilation. Probably most impactful was that there is no lack of hard numbers with this search.  Again, a quick glance at a few different sources showed me that there are around 55% of ALL MALE PEOPLE in the United States have had parts of their penis cut off. There are about 152 million males in the U.S. so that number equates to about 76 million people having parts of their bodies cut off.

76 Million of one kind of person having parts of their body cut off

500,000 of another kind of a person having parts of their body cut off

And the thing that disturbed me the most had nothing to do with comparing these injuries, these violations of children and adults. It is terrible to consider, boy or girl. But what really struck me deeply was what people who have been through this talk about as the destruction of the fundamental trust between a child and their parent, often times their mother when an infant (or anyone for that matter, not of their own volition) are forced to have parts of their bodies cut, destroyed, mutilated. What does that do to our fundamental humanity?

This is not a contest, so who and why is it being turned into a contest? And if it were a contest and we broke down the numbers above into a more manageable though object we would have this:

For every 1 girl who has pieces of her body cut off, damaged or mutilated, more than 100 boys have a part of their body cut off, damaged or mutilated.

So who is protecting our boys? Your boys?


The Candace Owen’s Story cont.: Angela Landsbury

Screen Shot 2017-12-19 at 9.49.53 AMI can’t get enough of Candace Owens and her story. I’m intrigued, inspired, hopeful and scared to death of and for her.

To the right is a story she wrote recently for The Federalist on Angela Landsbury’s comments about women and how she says they need to take responsibility when it comes to contributing to “bad sex situations”.

If you want to get a feel for where Candace stands read the article. Meanwhile I’m going to be thinking about why I’m putting so much time into this. For now I think it’s simply because, so far, I agree with her philosophy of responsibility as the foundation for human goodness and growth. Maybe it’s because I wish I had the courage to be so publicly clear about my views. Not sure.

But I don’t think I’m going to put this down any time soon, so if you’re curious about Candace, check her out and if you have opposing views I’d love to hear them.

I’ve “Met” Candace Owen’s Story and it’s Important

Who is Candace Owens?

You probably haven’t heard of her, I would imagine not. But you’re going to.

She a crystal clear, funny, determined, hybrid of a person who is talking truth to power. I never really understood what truth to power meant until right now, my bad, but that’s what’s she’s doing and she’s worth watching.

The story for how I know about this and why I’m writing about this is for another time, because it’s too much for right now, all I want to say before giving you a chance to experience this woman is…look out! And, if you aren’t into truth, it’s probably not for you but everyone else looking for ways to make peace with the world, click below.

I don’t really know what to think about the fact that I am on board with this woman.

In the same way I am on board with Thomas Sowell, Buckminster Fuller, and Ayn Rand, you can take some and leave some of all of them but what I take is much greater than what I leave.

So let me know what you think, if you want to know more, if you do know more.


There Is Only One Enemy

I’m thinking about my privilege. Privilege to sit and write while listening to music, while having coffee. Privilege to be warm at the touch of a finger and for my son to be warm as a result of my ability to work and earn money in a relatively safe environment while he is kept in a relatively safe environment by and with others who share my privilege. The relative ease of safety (the disclaimer is that none of us are ultimately safe but that there is relative safety) is really the privilege. My situation does not require me to think about the safety of my life and/or the safety of my family with any degree of regularity, if at all.

I am not meant to be afraid.

I, as a lightly colored (“white”), American, male am not meant to be afraid. I am a descendant of the victors and the system was built by “me” for “me”. I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with this…What else were they supposed to do? I mean I guess they could have had some compassion, forethought, mindfullness of what they were creating and how it would impact others, but they didn’t. So, in that case, it’s understandable even logical.

It doesn’t make right any abuses of power.

It will be interesting, if you look at life as a pendulum swinging a razors edge, to see who gets cut as the giant blade of society and culture swings back with equal, reciprocal necessity. It will be interesting to see if we’ve grown, if we’ve become any different than our captors or if we’re just changing roles in the prison of the pendulum. Some people taking their turn to be cut while others have the privilege of safety, but only temporary as the pendulum gathers it’s speed towards the end of it’s arc where it will stop for the briefest of moments before it reverses course again to pick the same “victims”.

Or is it possible this upheaval will lead to something greater, something that escapes the karma of the pendulum, something that escapes Karma all together (If you want to experience a little more about escaping Karma you can read some Eckhard Tolle).

The upheaval is not a color issue, not a class issue, not a nationality issue…it’s bigger and deeper than all of that, it’s the issue we’ve all earned as the human team and now we get to look at it, if we want.

The upheaval is the powerful against the non-powerful.

All other injustices are not irrelevant but are a distraction. The only question that should be asked is “who has the power” and “are they abusing it”. It’s so important to look and listen and think through the headlines to who is in power, who stays in power, and what power is serving. If you look out into the world today through the lense of social media and the internet it’s pretty easy to see that power is serving fear and division.

When you sit and talk to someone who looks different from you it’s pretty easy to see that although there may be fear, there is no need for division and in fact, it’s division that help to seed and grow the fear.

I am particularly interested to see what role I will play and particularly interested to have the inner conscience of the Female who is quickly gathering a certain power, on display and considered. I am curious to see how Females process the responsibility that Males have traditionally carried or if they’re even aware of the depth to which it exists. I am curious to see what the 21st century man looks like (I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen him yet, alive anyway).

Don’t believe the hype. Net Neutrality probably saved us. Think about that, challenge your beliefs, challenge my beliefs. There is so much more going on than we can possibly know. What does it mean that we think we know it.





Minimum Wage Law is Bullshit and Will Create the Opposite of What People Implementing it Want, Unless What They Want is More Poverty

Larry Elder says California will lose 400,000 jobs sure to $15 minimum wage
I really like to write. This is the blog with the most history for me and I haven’t been here in almost a year. Just happens I’m sitting in a coffee shop (PK Coffee – Stowe, VT), back in Vermont and picking up this blog again. It feels great, like coming home.
And so why not just open it up…

(MWL)Minimum Wage Law (in Vermont and anywhere) is Bullshit. And I mean that in the nicest way. I mean it in the nicest way because I do believe that most of us are more similar than we are led to believe, want to believe or allow ourselves to experience (more on this another time, but it’s a problem). I believe most of the strongest proponents of minimum wage law want things to be better for people. I believe they care about people and they want to do good. And it’s with that belief in mind that I call BULLSHIT because I assume that people who want to do good, really do want to do good more than they want to be right and so therefor calling BS is helpful because it helps to redirect focus so that good things can actually be accomplished rather than just promoted.

I was discussing this the other day with two people who were staunch supporters of Minimum Wage Law, so much so that they were dismissive of my questions, even the slightest thoughts that maybe it’s not a good idea was met by this hard line that’s hard to describe but easy to experience. It was like I was a little child, I guess, or maybe a women in the company of misogynists. They expressed in absolutes saying things like “there is no doubt…” and “the data all shows…” and then kind of gloating over their own responses while leaving me to feel (If I happened to be 7 years old) stupid, immature, and not worthy of my own perspective, I’m glad I’m not 7 years old.

These two people told me to “just Google it, there’s so much data that shows how minimum wage law is helpful to communities”. Now just to be clear, I am no proponent of Minimum Wage Law at all, I think it’s bad for society in a big way and bad especially for the people it’s seeking to help. But that being said, I thought, Ok, I’ll try it, I’ll Google this and find out what’s “out there”. I expected I would have to dig, not too much but maybe to the second page of results, to find data that supported my position but I had no doubt I’d find it.  So I searched this “Minimum Wage Law Success or Failure” (Try it). And I was completely surprised at what came up, and then I wrote this post.

Disclosure: I have done no more searching since I searched the above statement. I got the information I needed and it was enough for me in this context.  The first three results were all negative towards the success of MWL. They were current, they were articles in mainstream media and they were all headlines that illuminated that maybe it’s not working out so well. The reason I was surprised wasn’t because I was questioning my belief but because these two people who are so convinced that MWL is the right choice that they told me to search, hadn’t actually searched themselves. And not only that but that the top three (and maybe it was more…but I didn’t look) results in Google are all mainstream articles exploring the ideas that in Seattle and maybe one other city, MWL wasn’t working the way people had expected and that it actually may be hurting the people it was supposed to help.

Don’t get me wrong though, and I went back just now to take a closer look. There is news saying that MWL is helpful and saying that it’s the “Conservatives” making up stories in regard to any negative perspective but even those articles are older, like 2015, 2016. The most recent articles, 2017, are negative (accurate in their negativity in my opinion). And so I’m right back where I started. What the hell is going on?

Honestly I don’t think it’s as much a  Minimum Wage Law issue…it’s a people being willing to really challenge their beliefs issue. Where are those people? Are you one?  And just to let you know, if you think I’m not challenging my beliefs, if you ever meet me or have met me and feel like I’m being closed minded (which I certainly have been many thousands of times in my life) please tell me…and I’ll check myself, because I do want to do good, I do want to help people, I do want things to get better and I have a lot of experience where my own Bullshit has gotten in the way of doing that.

Thanks for reading and welcome (me) back to Vermont!

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