Sneaky

I’m wary of love.
Sneaky.
Always hiding around corners
patient, patient
Always feeling so, so,
you know…
Deep.
I’m not quite sure of this life stuff.
you know what I mean?
It’s just suffering at the heart
All in between.
I shamed my son today,
like an arrow to my chest
I didn’t even know
I was so caught up
in the best.
It’s the worse thing I’ve ever done
And still I fear I won’t atone,
this is the darkness,
This is alone.
And in usual I would befall,
To months and years of terror
where shame and pride
they mock me
so completely with out error.
But nigh,
this night upon me,
Where the winds have buffed the clouds
And the Mountains reach above
And the moon, she shines aloud.
Not this night, around me
it won’t be that way tonight
Because, my son
the son of myself
I’ve not yet begun to fight
But only just now,
I recognized
The bright and shining light
That is bigger than all you think
and imagine
but it’s dark as night!
Or through the dark,
I should rightly say
From the dusking to the the light
when pink sunlight kissed the mount
on a bright and shining morn,
There was a freshness to the day
at the same time,
Time to mourn.
Time to mourn
Is vital. It’s the only thing that’s real,
Or at least that you can be sure of,
that and how you heal.
because despite all that you don’t believe
and all you say you do
and between all the bullshit printed
in ink and in your brain
It’s a wonder, no a certainty
that you’ll go insane.
And that’s just what has happened,
And that’s just what we’ll do,
If people don’t start waking up
And seeing what to do.
And some are there but most are not
and none have any clue.
But what’s that matter,
when you’ve shamed your son,
and killed a part of you?
No!
I said NO!
And the whole world changed
Like a blind opening (or closing)
My life and all is vision
Flickered down, in unison
One layer after the next
The truth revealing itself
Not as beautiful
But real, and exactly me…
There was still darkness
It’s not a fantasy, this life,
It’s a dirty, messy, twisted ride.
And now I have control of it.
Because I said NO!
Just Far Enough
The tangle and bareness
White and brown and dark green and black
Wind through branches is different
Than wind through leaves
And the winter invites me to her silence.
Clean and bright, a fresh start
A fresh wind to dry out
The moisture of suffering
And relationship to culture
Chicadee and Sparrow
Sparsely invite
Songs brief and pure snow beautiful
And harsh wood chopping welcome
The woods in the winter,
Go just far enough
To forget where you’ve been.