Archive | January 2020

Ramble…stay patient…wait…feel it…continue…arrive

Raise your hand if you want to make the world a better place?

That’s the easy part.

But I think when you start talking about how to make that happen, you lose people. Because, really, how do you do it? That’s what’s important. It doesn’t matter if you “want” to, like a little kid wants Santa to bring him some gifts on Christmas. It matters how.

Today, in America we’ve really fucked up the “how”. We’ve fucked it up so much that many who raised their hand to the first question are finding that, despite their efforts, the world is not becoming a better place. No matter what we try, no matter how much we yell, how much we protest and vote, it’s just not happening.

In an attempt to make this more clear, let’s take the abortion “issue”. It’s a hot button, divisive, people are crazy passionate. One side calls itself “Pro-Life”, the other side calls itself “Pro-Choice”.

Really it’s all been argued. At least most of it’s been argued. Pick whatever you want, abortion, right to die, seatbelt lawas, healthcare, war, science, and on and on. It’s all been argued. I tried to argue it again but then I noticed, I’m in familiar territory, well worn, like a sunked ship, long picked over for treasure, just the hollowed out wreck to show you where the idea lies. The treasure has long since been taken and horded by those on either side. There is nothing left to argue about whether a woman should be able to get an abortion, about whether a person should be able to get health care, about whether a person should wear a seatbelt, about whether a person should be able to kill themselves, about whether a person should be able to have sex with whomever they want, however they want, about whether a person should be able to do this or that or whatever.

Anyone still talking about that is so 20th century.

Do you argue about abortion?
you’re so 20th Century
Do you argue about healthcare?
you’re so 20th Century
Do you argue about civil rights?
you’re so 20th Century
Do you argue about education?
you’re so 20th Century
Do you argue about politicians?
you’re so 20th Century

All of these things have been argued.
There is nothing left
Like a hollowed out treasure ship
It’s only a shadow
and we’re arguing about the hulking skeleton
and killing each other over it
the ideas are sanctified
on both sides
there is not a morsel left
to nourish your mind.

If you are still arguing about these things
you are practicing insanity
and soon you will be good enough
to turn pro
if you haven’t already.

So 20th Century.

The only question.
The first question,
The one that never got fully answered
The ship that’s never been fully explored
by the masses,
is the ship of …

Has everyone chosen the fundamental choice
the first choice
that determines all others
Who is in charge?

Who is in charge?

The deepest question requires courage
and character to even explore.
Imagine an intellectual warrior
a warrior of the mind
and heart
who turns towards the darkness
of their own night jungle
and decides to take a step
towards and in.
It’s the most beautiful choice
and most powerful
and most painful.

Because you don’t have to take it
you don’t have to make it.

It’s a 21st Century Choice
It’s the future en masse
it’s not only for the clerics
and true mages of the past
not only for the prophets
and persecuted philosophers.

It’s for you.
and you.
and you.

It’s for all of us
it’s for whoever wants it.

We can all be warriors of the mind
and heart
and recover our soul.
We can do this
and the world would rejoice
with you if you chose.

A step into your own night
to explore your own darkness
and find the ultimate answer
To the ultimate question
so that you can begin to live.

Who is in charge?


The balloon
once tethered and reliable
available if needed
connected to the earth

The balloon is not longer tethered
and it will float
on the mercy of the wind
and eventually will crash down
for lack of maintenance
or care
or because of the irresponsibility
of freedom

The balloon cannot rethether itself
it must be caught

Humans are also becoming
freeing themselves from
earthly responsibility
in the disguise of freedom

How wonderful it is to fly
but ultimately, a lie
you cannot fly from death
you cannot fly from the ending
of your experience

So while in this vast sandbox
you may float as far as you can
you may dig a hole so deep
you may go to places where
no one is or has ever been

And are you free


You are only, alone.

Grace: The House Rule

What I hate is in me
fucked if I know
how it got there

but I know

What I hate is in me.

What I kill is in me
fucked if I know
how it got there

but I know

What I kill is in me.

But, my love, the world is not made of hate
humans are not made of hate
humans are like mixed berry cherrios on the inside
we have yellow and dark and green and red and light
all living together
hate is a partner
a house guest
like the others
and as The Prophet says
you don’t treat your guests
as if there are no rules
and allow one guest to rage wild
and force another to sit quietly
in the corner.

So what are the rules of the house?
The rules of the house are Grace.

Grace is kindness embodied
in the face of great and overwhelming pain
it is the keyhole
from which you can view
and eventually open
the door to a world
of love.

And a world of love
is not a world devoid of hate
a world of love
is not a world devoid of pain
a world of love
is not a world devoid of death and destruction.

A world of love is a world of grace
A world full of keyholes
being looked through
and turned
when all around is darkness.

The Answer

Imagine a vast desert
endless in all directions
nothing but sand
and people.
These people don’t need
water or food
and they’re all going
about their business
on the endless sands.
Some are fighting
some are loving
some are running
some are cooking eggs
some are building things
some are knocking things down.

I see myself here
among and amidst the people
and there is this small box
right in front of me.
It’s my box.
I don’t have anything else.

And it appears I think
the box contains my answers
because I’m struggling to open it
with such determination
that I’m not aware of anything else.

If I could just get this box open
everything would be ok.
I could change the world
if I could get this box open.
And I do.
I pry it open with bloody fingers
and see it’s empty
except for a piece of paper.

It’s an envelope
and on it is written
The Answer.

-Zoom out-

People are everywhere on the sand
I am there
looking down at something
as the chaos and order rage about me
everything imaginable is happening
and there is no end to it.

I am looking down.

-Zoom in-

The envelope is open
I pull out what is inside.
It’s another envelope.
On it is written
The Answer.

Keep Love In Your Heart

Take the test you’re given.

Sit and listen
do not use the protection
of indignation
if you’re right.

Sit and listen
recognize your horror
and do not move
do not react
but keep love
in your heart.

Recognize your horror
and keep love in your

Recognize your horror
is only a figment
of your fear
and dissapears
in the sunlight of

Keep love in your heart
or at least do not allow

Take the test your given.

See what you’ve built
see those you love
out of fear and revenge
and keep love
in your heart.

Recognize your hate
and feel your
desire for it
for it’s warmth
and surety
and cammaraderie

and keep love in your heart.

Put your head down,
when you want to hold it high.
Say yes,
when you want to say no.
when you want to punch.

Keep love in your heart.

Have no idea
how to act
what to do
what to say
where to hide
how to love
how to be gentle
how to listen
how to grow

Have no idea

and keep love in your heart.

Take the Test the World Gives You

Take the test the world gives you
You will know it by your desire to refuse
And perhaps by your refusal
Or by your lies
The world will give you tests
Take the tests
Do not create your own tests
And call them tests
They are not.
Your own tests are actually called
They appear as difficult
You make them difficult
But they are not difficult.
They are rewards in and of themselves
They are rewards for not taking the tests
That life gives
And you, then, give yourself rewards
For taking your own tests
And the people who take their own tests
Will also reward you
So that they can continue to reward themselves.

Take the tests the world gives you.
You will know them by your refusal.
You will know then because they haunt you
The ones you haven’t taken
You will know them because you will feel
Like a young child in a new school
When you contemplate them.

Take the tests the world gives you
It’s never too late
But there are great riches hidden along the way of the test
And you will not acquire these, ever
Until you take the test
And you can not acquire riches
By taking your own tests
You can only acquire rewards
And the difference
Between riches and rewards
Is the difference
Between fulfillment
And emptiness.

Rhyme Of The Ancient Moron

I’m just sick
but I’ll keep going
sick and I think
it’s showing
no care for those
that don’t
no care for those
that won’t
take a moment
and calm right down
instead of thinking
they must don the crown
and stand upon a box
of soap
and act so compeltely
like a dope
and yelling
and pointing
and yelling
you hurt me
you hurt him
put you away
you’re evil
you’re bad
can’t you all see
I’ll bet I can’t find three
friends who wil share
this with me
and it means so much
and it’s so much drivel
and drivel
that means so much
makes me snivel
and snort
and feel pain in my tummy
these types of behavior
are the furthest from yummy
anger and rage
competing for wins
who can it be
when the bell rings again
there’s nothing to do
and even less to see
if you like it
just stick around
and you’ll see
there’s more and more and more
just like pee
after a night of drinking
a dozen and three
beers down your throat
cause you just can’t cope
with all the nonsense
and posing
it makes me want soap
and it makes me more
want to turn off
my tv and my facebook
and google
and everything free
to take a break from the sewer
of indignity
and escape from
perfection in morality
Oh god, oh bother
as pooh used to say
and I look at myself
and chuckle away
cause what would I do
without facebook for a day!

Kobe Bryant


It’s not just meant
for what we want.
It’s a term to describe
life in all cases.
A shining, mountain top
with nothing left above
that takes your breath
away when you see it.
We humans,
we need these mountain tops
because we haven’t yet
learned to see
what is at eye level
as perfect.

So we take the mountain top
and when those moments
Burning hot with awe,
the victory of humanity.
We say,

But there are also those
that decimate
our human denial
that tear down
the ego filled rooms
in our heads,
that destroy our fantasy
and bring us back
to such tragic love
as we surely
have never felt.

So complete are these decimations
so total
we are left unguarded
we do not waver,
we fall.

We fall deeply into
the pain of love.
We fall deeply
into the truth of pain
and the truth
we leave behind
the truth of love,
the truth of pain,
the truth of love,
the truth of pain of love.


The Father Breath

The silence of the mountains
is not silence at all.
It is the patient breath of life
It is the father breath
the foundation breath
to which we can always
discover or return.

If even you hear it once
you will feel it
and it will settle into you
as it’s meant to
and inhabit you.

The breath of the father
is in the mountains vast
steep and alone
he stays as all things
he does not wait
but he is glad you are
with him.

Like forgotten children
or forgotten dreams
once returned
you realize again
you have everything you need
and more than you
could want.

These mountains.
This father’s breath,
they do call out to all,
do not be frail,
come to me
and live in me
and remember yourself
with me.

I Let Myself Happen

when I listen to music
it helps me see my path
like torches
along the way.

Other times
it’s like a wall
or a box
and I am inside
assaulted by the echo.

Today, I opt for sounds
because today I am not
an explorer,
I am a spring flower.

And I must let myself happen
with one movement
and perhaps another
or perhaps to imperceptible
to witness.

And yet there is movement
if only in the silence
silence allows becoming
and gentle coaxing
one word, to the next word, to the next.

Never, today, will I push words
through, but relish
each creation.

Waiting cursor
On call.

A car drives by
far out on the road
wet tires on wet road
ripping sounds in the distance
the clock pops it’s rythym
the computer, chewing it’s disc
and then a moment

And then I hear the rooster
only because
of silence
and my soul begins to bubble
and come forth
to inhabit my shell.

And it makes me wonder
what am I like
without my soul.

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