Archive | February 2020

I’m The Luckiest: The Big Five – O

It’s a big deal.
What!
50 revolutions around the sun…
What?!
I get that!
I get to do that!?
50 times
Spin and come back
to center
Spin and come back
around
to center
Again
Again
This is what I get?!
And to keep going?

Oh my…
oh my…
I am struck
and overcome
precious
precocious
possibility
patience
peace

Thank you life.
thank you.

I’m not ready to go
I don’t want to
but if it was my time
I would say
thank you

50 years
each year infiniti
50 loops

50 times to smell spring
50 times to touch skin
50 times to learn
50 times to feel the pain of life
50 times to fall in love
50 times to laugh
50 times to be stubborn
50 times to be forgiven
50 times to love a child
50 times to love a woman
50 times to write
50 times to see the fear of death
50 times to make friends
50 times to dance
50 times to teach
50 times to share
50 times…

to walk, head up, heart up
in my home
bricks and grass
grey skys and rain
metal and concrete
shelter and warmth
and radio signals
and music
and coffee and silence
and children…

Oh lord…

and children

Oh lord…

the grace overcomes me
the fortune of my life
the fortune of life
to know a child
to be a child
and to know the difference
and to be
your best
and open the soul
with the key
you’ve been given
we’ve all been given

Even the pattern of the bricks
on this grey morning
is magic
someone cared to make it so
someone inspired
I am inspired
I am a human
this is my world
and I belong here

50 loops
50 years

I am sorry for your pain
I am happy for your strength
I am grateful for my life
and it will never end
so much bigger
so much bigger
than we know

Fuckin’ A – Yay!
Fuckin’ A – YAY!

Happy Birthday To Me
I am not the luckiest
But I am the luckiest

I am so lucky.
Happy Birthday To Me.

The Boy is a Miracle

The boy is a miracle
which means you are a miracle
which means life is working
as it should
at least for you.

I love to see him attack the world
watching him learn about life
it’s months
it takes months, many
to see a difference
to see him go from
the kid who
-of course-
was sure
of his life
his decision
he simply hasn’t enough time in the light
to know any better
so he knows the best way
he knows how
and what a miracle to watch
the world open to him
as he opens himself
at the prompting of the world
sometimes prying
other times carressing
much of the difference
up to the father
what will I make it for him
what will I pry
what will I caress.

That boy is a miracle
and that means you are a miracle.

And what exactly do you do with a miracle
how do you handle a miracle
do you leave a miracle off to school
do you yell at a miracle
do you ignore a miracle
do you punish a miracle
oh eeeks I say
very eeeks
I wish this whole thing could go

Easilier (Ease-a-lee-er).

We laughed, together
I have given him the gift of me
and he has accepted it.

There are other gifts I will come
sacred, that he will reject
as is his human right
and I will be standing
flat footed with everything
I have to offer
and he will turn away
and I will be crushed

And all will be right.

But I have had a gift accepted
and that means our hearts beat
together for always
no matter the rejection
and that’s a lovely
joyous
experience
a completely foundational gift.

And I know how I did it.
And it’s like my entire life
was meant for that moment.

Love of Place and Time

I just love it here
and I don’t say that enough
I just love it here
But I make it tough
I forget I love it
I deny and pout
I make it bad
day in, day out
but maybe perhaps
and possibly so
I’ve lived long enough
to start letting go
to start waking up
and feeling the love
for my place
for my home
for my space
for my blood.

I just love it here

Certainty Certainly Certain

What do you know about Hitler? About Stalin? About the Russian Revolution and Mao? What do you possibly know about the people who lived those times. I mean really, man.

What you’re telling me is that, you were there! You were fucking there! Oh, wait…no?! No. You weren’t actually there…oh, so you got your certainty…where?

Where did you get that certainty and how dare you make me tilt at windmills. Your certainty is as certain as this here writing. Certainly certain. That’s you.

What is it, specifically, that you think you know and where did you get your certainty? How do you come by it, being so sure, acting so sure, so sure that you want other people to do what you do. That’s some serious fucking expectations and some serious ambition.

But you know how to do it?
Like those before you
like those who blew it
like you who blew it
remember when you blew it
did certainly help
don’t blow it
for fucks sake
don’t blow it
by knowing it
you brain is tired
should be re-tired
should be de-tired
is not on fire
your brain is not on fire

You just feel good being certain.
and you like to tell other people about it.
I get it
I do it
I get it
but for fucks sake
there’s way too much real information
some call it wisdom
to blow it.

But I think,
in fact
I’m certain…you’re going to blow it.

A Beautiful Poem

What is it that you carry

forgotten burdens are the worst
because they haven’t forgotten

But how adaptable you are
how resilient
to take the burden
and bury it away
deep and under
far from your waking life
and yet
no less heavy

What is that you carry

Deep things immune from curse
deep things below the bottom

Trying quietly to be a star
the worst lament
there’s no where to run
and no more time for play
I can’t find her
Do not look at the light
eyes set
on already

What is it that you carry
That you don’t notice anymore
that keeps your feet
firmly on the floor
and your heart set against
your mind
I wish you could be mine

What is that you carry
that keeps you tucked evermore
on the same street
never ask for more
but, oh, see the difference
one want
do you know what you want

Disobey

When the light shines on you
do the cockroaches scurry
back to the dark places
or
do you just prefer the privacy
of the dark
to not be seen
because to be seen is to be
examined
to be examined is to be questioned
to be questioned
is to wonder if you’re worthy
to wonder if you’re worthy
is to subscribe to the human
created standard
that is unattainable
nevertheless ever present
weighing on young souls
baked in
force fed
force
fucking
fed
a dinner of compliance
of never good enough
of perform
of get a job
of work
of be good
of be good
of be good
of be good

Force fed
like calves kept in cages
our children
cannot move around
mentally
emotionally
and now,
no longer physically
We keep them in cages
so they can grow soft and pliant
and we think we are protecting them
by making them soft
by making them dependant
by making them accessories
and we have all be accessorized
and if we step out of our accessorization
we don’t know who
or what to be
not only are we screamed at
by the other purses
and scarves
and ties
and argyle socks
and pocket curchiefs
we are lost in ourselves
like stepping into a new world
where we don’t know the language
or the culture or the custom
but the fucking problem is
this is not a new world
this is not a world
unavailable
this is simply a world we were not
given access to.

And the best thing about it
It’s no one’s fault
everyone was doing the best they can
but now
NOW
that we see it
NOW
that we know
that we are not accessories
we do not have to be a certain way
act a certain way
we do not have to believe the rules
we do not have to believe authority
because now we see what a farce it’s all been
what a crock of shit it’s all been
and by “crock of shit” I mean
don’t move forward by looking for answers in the past
because we weren’t taught
and we lived how we were taught
and we weren’t taught
to go beyond our accessorized self
to become human
to express human
to throw off the chains of fear
to throw off the chains of sameness
to throw off the chains of difference
to throw off the chains
that bind us to an authority
that only cares for it’s own existence.

Throw off the mutha fucking chains.
do not believe the rules
do not believe the stories
find out for yourself
disobey.

disobey.

Do Not Obey The Rules

The rules
who makes the rules
jewels in the crown
of the behemoth
fools follow
rules follow
fools follow
and it’s only
only

To Recognize
that everyone
is a fool
and to kiss
and make up
to forgive
and forget
and make up
and kiss
like a fool
everyone recognizes.

You see, young person,
the rules are used
in such a vicious manner
they are used to hurt and
punish
like an abusive parent

The rules are being enforced
by an abusive parent
drunk
high
corrupt
privileged
out of touch
removed
inhumane
violent

Rules can be precious
not vicious
not rough
not enough
but tough
and fair
and in the spirit
of justice
of making a thing
whole
not creating a hole
from which people
cannot return
and from their
doomed journey
impossible journey
they not only cannot return
they will be ridiculed
and made to carry heavy weight
than they already could cary
they failed already
they dropped the weight
and those that weild the rules
find it Just to add more weight
and put a person under

and

and

and

the worst of it young human
the worst worst worst of it
is that it is packaged
it’s wrapped up and bundled
for you to consume
and to make no an opinion
but a blind belief
you’ve been marketed to
young human
young human
young human

you’ve been marketed to
by psychopaths and monsters
true psychopaths and true monsters
the kind that actually remove souls
and kill passion
as they kill flesh.

You, young, brilliant human
have been sold,
you’ve been sold
and now you have a job
the job is to return the fucking product
bring it back
tell them you don’t want it
tell them you’re done with it
tell them in droves
walk out
not towards
do not believe your parents
even if you love them
they do not know
they were sold long ago
and they don’t know
but their investments have paid off
and they will not tell you the truth
because if they did
they would lose you
in the way they don’t want to lose anything.

You.
Young.
Brilliant.
Human.

Take it back.
Return to sender
Sanders
Return to sender
Trump

You’ve been granted the brief
but white hot ember
of free time
to examine your humaness
to look into yourself
through others
and find
layer
after
layer
and peel it
and peel it
and peel it
and wake up.

But if you believe
what you see,
oh fuck
you better get peelin’
Trust youselves
Trust each other

The rules are not meant
for you to flourish
as rules are meant to do
not meant to nourish
as a good rule will

Your rules
the ones you didn’t make up
are meant to put you in a prison
keep you in a prison
no care if the prison is of brick
and mortar
or flest and blood
and neurons trapped
in their own loops
burning out
the same routes

Do Not Believe The Rules
Do Not Obey The Rules.

Make Nothing Happen: Stop Clamoring

it’s not different
because you’re not different
and it’s the end of line
that’s why you’re so pissed
because if someone can’t
change it for you
then how the fuck
is it supposed to change.

it’s not different
because you’re not different.

i’m only writing with passion
if you know me
so if you know me
pretend you don’t
and read on.

this is not for you
it’s for me
but it’s about you
and it’s about me
it’s for me.

Bernie Sanders.
Donald Trump.
save me from them
save me from you
the clamoring is what’s worst
clamoring
it’s like a hicup that could
turn into a heart attack
the clamoring
and clawing away

You know what
I don’t fucking believe it
actually
it’s not that I don’t believe it
it’s that believing it doesn’t matter
I refuse it.

I refuse it
I refuse that the clamoring matters
I refust that the clamoring is worthy
of human’s attention
I am the anti-clamor
sit
listen to tracy champman
sing her stories
type
sit
listen

Make sure not to clammor
clamoring is not healthy
what is that you clamor for
what won’t you let go

Bernie Sanders
Donald Trump
Save me from them
save me from you
save me from the spirit
of clamoring.

But you know what
I switched again,
I’m a flip flopper
and I flipped
it’s matters a ton.

Every minute, every second that you clamor
every minute, every second that you aren’t listening
to Tracy Chapman
sitting
Is a minute the world isn’t seeing what happens
when nothing happens
and we need more of that
we need more of nothing happening
we need you to make more of nothing happening
to make more nothing happen for you
I know you can do it
you can do it
make nothing happen
and

breathe your air
listen to song
and the birds
they speak to you
and cats
they want to be near you
and children
they will show you the joy of life
without knowing
which is the joy
for them.
But Joy Is Joy
so start trying
and do better
at making nothing happen.

Make nothing happen.

Bernie Sanders
Donald Trump
save me from them
save me from you
save me from the idea
of the clamor.

Stop Clamoring
Make Nothing Happen.

Smoldering

What do you have that’s better
and why the hell do I want to
work with you if you won’t even
look.

I mean are you so busy making
things run smoothly that you
have forgotten what you care
about.

I mean what a life man, what a
life where I’m the one that needs
to fight for you when you don’t
care.

I think I’m going to go insane or
be really sad if I can’t find a
different way to help I want to
help.

Yeah, that last little stanza was a typo
well not a type but more of
an emotional typo I need some
whiteout.

The truth of it is I don’t freakin’
know and I don’t want to look at
why I act as if I do know
smolderingly.

Appetite

I’m not normally a criminal
but when I am
it’s usually because
I’m breaking one
of a million laws.

Where did these
million laws come from
“do this, don’t do that,
can’t you read the signs”
Tesla is right.

There’s a guy I know
and he’s hungry
his appetite is insatiable
much worse than mine
he never gets full
and what he eats
is attention
and our world
is an all you can eat
buffet.

This man has no morals
he has no control
his impulse to feed
has been justified
by a system
that’s been designed
to give us
exactly what we want.

This system is so effective
it will destroy itself
without pause
in service to our wants
it will give us everything
we want
and until and unless
we stop feeding ourselves
the scraps
and being grateful
for the scraps
the main dish
will continue to strangle
us all.

And the man I know
with no morals
he doesn’t know
and that makes him vicious
but, for fucks sake,
we need to stop him
not for honor

But for fucking Justice.

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