Archive | March 2020

You’re Going To Die

Mom, I’m scared.
people are being weird
and not very nice to each other
there’s a lot of yelling and screaming
and there’s a lot of pointing fingers and arguing
people are loud.

Mom, I’m scared
I don’t want to die
I don’t want you to die
do you hear all those people talkin
they’re saying that everyone’s going to die
people are so loud.

I’m scared, mommy
Why are people doing this
being so loud and angry and mean
it’s like there’s a virus but it’s not what they think
I wish they would stop. Don’t they know there’s little kids around
there’s so much yelling.

I don’t know what to do
when faced with the
inevitability of death
and when it comes
and I realize
my last breath has come
I will not be breathing again
I want to be love
It will be terribly sad
I imagine but I want to be love
not fear
And so, when it comes, young one
I will think of you and look unto you
and smile in my whole heart
as I begin my next journey
always to be with you
and always to see you again

and always to see you again.

This Is What’s Going To Happen

You can turn your back.
You don’t think about it
but you can do that,
turn your back.

You see I foget, often
that I’m going to die
and I think I can hang on
I think it’s important to
hang on.

What foolishness.

The ulimate “thing” is life
and it’s not possible to hang on to
so why would I think
I could hang on to anything else.

Amazing delusion
Full
Complete
Imposter

I can’t do anything I say
I have to do something I say
The truth of it
is
I can really do very little
in relation to my experience
of the world

Eliminating
Loving
Hating
Warring
Sexing

These things do the opposite
of what I think they do
that’s a real problem
because it means I think I’m getting what I want but I’m really getting what I don’t

and that’s how I live my life
and what’s worse – I feel badly about my own trap
it’s not good enough that
I’ve set this trap for myself
I must feel badly about
getting caught in it
and
about setting it.

What a life.

So when they come for you
when the tell you that you
can only rely on them
when they tell you that they don’t approve
when they tell you you’re doing it wrong
when they tell you it’s for your own safety
when they tell you it’s help
when they tell you to be afraid
when they tell you to be afraid
when they tell you to be afraid

You can simply know that they’re running out of patience
and that you should definitely believe them
because they’re like you
they think they’re going to get what they want
but they’re going to get something else

And remember, if you can…
you can always
always
turn your back.

The Hero

He didn’t know he was a little boy
he didn’t know he was screaming
at her to stop
screaming and crying for her to
please stop

Hot face, wet, red, heart, pound, blood
up, sweaty, head on a swivel
back, forth, back, forth
he can’t focus, only pain and fear

There’s nothing he can do.
There’s nothing he can do.

And he doesn’t know this
he thinks if he crys hard enough
yells loud enough
screams loud enough
screams until his throat is torn

He thinks he can change it
He thinks he has to change it
He thinks if he doesn’t change it…

He never thinks,
what if he doesn’t change it
he never thinks this
he’s a young boy
scared and he see’s someone he cares
about being hurt

He’s an innocent boy
he doesn’t want anyone to be hurt
he knows what hurt is
and he can’t bear if others feel hurt
when he see’s it
he tries to be a hero
not because he wants to be a hero
but because he can’t bear it
but he is not a hero
he is an anti-hero

He betrays himself
and hurts
to stop the hurting
and he is thrown
this poor human boy
into the abyss that
he knows nothing about
all he knows is that he
wants to be the hero
but that he is not

And he will hurt
to stop the hurt

The poor, innocent boy.

Maybe I’m Not A Writer

My mind shoots off
I sit down
to work
I’m already over my head
and loving it
for some strange reason
I go ahead
for go everything
love it
leave things
in my wake
do they miss me
I don’t know I miss them
until after
Just the way it is
but I’m feeling hurt
and that’s
Something I pay attention to.
So I write.

What the hell for
to get this goddamn shit out of my head before it explodes into bits and pieces of electricity
fleshelectric.

What.
Like a rapper who’s lost his way
What. What. Uhhhh. Uhnnn-huhhhh.

It’s like I can’t find
like it’s not there
but I know it’s there,
and if I stay here long enough
I’d find it
but really I just want to tuck in with my kid
and be something solid for him in this big
world.

So maybe I’m not a writer.

Life Works

And the shame comes
because you’re not the person
they wanted you to be

And by “they”, I mean you!

But it’s all same
shame is shame
and it covers
the true
essence
of you.

But the problem with shame’s
like a bus stop in the rain
it keeps you dry
It keeps you from pain
and the pain and the rain
they’re both the same

and they’re the same
as your truth.

In a system of money
you are at the whim
of those that have it
and you are unaware
of the method in which
they have it.

I can see that
because
I’m an economist.

So what has come…
the inevitable fall of a system
that we think we rely on for survival
and that some actually do.

And the fear of the unknown
without the experience
that we will be ok
that we can be ok
and as we are being ok
some will die
because that’s how life
works.

It is this fear that hurts us
that drives us
that lays
like cream on top
of the soulful
and infite us.
We love the cream
who doesn’t.

But the cream is not us
the cream keeps us
from us.

The cream is the fear
it lays on top of the soul
and we think
life is about cream
and so we never
feel the soul.

Life doesn’t have to work
this way.

The Soul Economy

I’ve seen more people walking
running,
together.

I saw this one guy, today,
one of 5, trailing the others
on the walk,
looking as miserable as miserable
can be.

Out there doing it.
In three more months,
this guy will be as fit
as he’s been in 35 years.

If the pandemic doesn’t kill him
it will save his life.

And isn’t that a great way to look at it!

Where have we heard that before,
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…
Of course, being killed, well it ruins
your whole day.

But, if as a result of your death,
you knew people would be made stronger
or die themselves,
what a test!

We must give thanks for the pandemic
and see it with grateful eyes
for waking us up
to what we have forgotten.

What have you, now, remembered
What are you now grateful for
and if you feel nothing now,
wait a bit, maybe you need more time.
But if you never feel grateful,
you will never be grateful,
even in death.

If you are never grateful
you will always be looking
unsatisfied
and not realize,
it’s the looking that’s the problem.

The worst thing that could happen,
not because it’s not a good idea
for those who want to save it,
is to go back to jobs.

That would be best for this economy
“they” talk about
but the worst for the economy of the soul.
The soul is finally getting what it always
and only, wants
connection to the earth and to self
and to experience
and peace to enjoy it
and peace to engage the senses
and to function the way I body
needs to function.

We should do what’s best for the Soul Economy.

The Desperation of the Ego

The desperation of the ego
is a funny thing to see
funny like would it be weird
if that monster came to eat me.

Look at me, look at me
please look at me
please don’t pass me by
I’m here, look at me.

We wager all our soul
which sits with patient smile
there’s nothing that’s off limits
there’s no internal guide
except for that ole ego
which with think is really us
and so we feed it and caress it
we even learn to trust
just what it tells us
never we are wrong
always alway always
we sing our righteous song
and when no one comes to listen
finally and absolute
our ego, it keeps looking
for the thing you can’t refute
and anything feels good
any response that you can get
please tell me that you hate me
please let me call you idiot
argue and insult me
so that I can feel alive
and so that I can finally
express myself
while my true self
stays behind.

Oh the desperation of the ego
is such a funny thing
even death next door
now right next door
does nothing against it’s ring.

Don't Touch Me

Everybody wants to rule the world
*small tear on cheek*
**LARGE FEAR IN HEART**

Jets and pumps and fleshlectrical bursts
wet on the inside
whatever makes me up
is churning
burning
electric power operating
What the hell is going to happen to me
and what the hell gives me the right
to think about it
and who the hell do I think I am
that I can think about
that I know what I’m thinking about

What the fuck do I know about things.

Now zoom out
leave the blood and muscle
and electric heavyfull feelings
behind
zoom out
bones, skin, hair
and out
to the air surrounding my body
and out
like reverse google maps
and out and out and out
little blue dot
and out and out and out

You just blew my little baby mind.

Don’t fucking touch me.
that’s the bottom line.
Don’t you fucking touch me.

The Kind Hearted Killer

Does a kind heart matter in a savage land
or will a kind heart get you killed
and if you are killed is it the end of the road
or is there something more for which to stand.

Because a kind heart is easy when the living is easy
I’m not sure I would even call it kind
but when the living is hard and people don’t care
The beats in your chest are your test truly.

When that ole heart of yours gets to beatin’
cause the people outside are a comin’
and they’re coming for you and they’re runnin’
kindness takes a back seat to gunnin’.

And so then you find out on the deepest of levels
a souls revolution a souls revolt
that you’ve been lying to yourself all along
you’re not kind, you’re a cowardly devil.

Death is the most honest thing that we have
followed by birth, which is pure
and when your decisions are tempered by death
you find out once and for all who you are.
The rest is just wrapping paper
all different colors
and style and ribbons and bows
and pretty designs
and tape that hides lines
all covering what’s left below
and the problem really is
as you theorize and spin
that you never really wanted
to know.

So do you have a kind heart
or a killers heart

Or are you a kind hearted killer.

Don’t Face It

Don’t face it.
Kick the can down the road.
Some can’t take it
The weight of the heavy load.

And who could take it?
Really who’s prepared?
Who’s broken through
To get themselves there?

We’re just waking up
It’s never before
We’ve had even one minute
To open this door.

This door to the cell we
Keep locked so tightly
We can’t even see
How mighty are we

With such force and such pressure
We press it on down
We avoid all the feelings
We think bring us down
And that’s not a recipe
To come around
And see love and see peace
In us they abound.

No we don’t face it
And instead
We pretend and don’t realize
We might be better off dead
In fact that thought revolts us
And what an offense
To imagine that WE
Will one day be dead.

That’s not true
That can never be
Obviously you
Have never met me.

I won’t die, not ever
You’ll surely see
I’ll pretend till I’m dead
That really I’m free.

Don’t face it.
Don’t face it.
Run.
Shake in fear.
Hide yourself away.
Bide your time till you die.

Not me.

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