Archive | April 2020

I got a Census reminder today
and it puzzled me
like whirlpool of trash
and stench
sucking, sucking, sucking.

We care about you.
We care about you.
This is for you.

It called out
in big, childish letters
simple to read
for the simple people.

This is for you
it said
We’re doing this for you
because you count.

That’s what it said,
because you count.

Who buys this bullshit
Who really buys it
It’s like I’m stuck
we’re stuck
in this twighlight zone
of fuckery and pride
a cocktail of fear
arrogance
and rule loving
homicidal maniacs
disguised as housemothers
and grandparents
and teachers.

We call them
reasonable

Who buys this shit?
I’ll tell you who buys it…
I buy it.

I buy it all
been waiting for someone else
been waiting for anyone
to say
no.

But not me.
I buy it all.
and I know it
and I bitch about it
quietly
Like eating McDonalds
by myself
in an empty parking lot.

That’s who buys this shit
and for fucks sake
I’m running out of time
I mean really,
50 years and it’s no joke
I can’t talk myself
out of the yoke
I can’t tell myself
maybe next year
or maybe tomorrow
so soon, my dear.

No.

I buy it all
and I wait for another
I buy it all
and I don’t run for cover
I buy it all
because I’m to afraid
to stand up
and say what I think
and feel what’s
come up.

I’m the one
who this is all for
it’s not for you
This isn’t your war
So don’t worry, don’t worry
1 second more.

Until I stop buying
there will always be more.

We Forgot The Truth

Life is not what you think
you do not start
and end
there is no race
there is no contest
there are no rules

Everything you’ve been told
is a lie

Every lie you’ve been told
has been the foundation
for another lie
and another
and another

It started out innocently enough
like you’d lie to a child
but then the child grew
and the lies did too
rather than stop
and crack them open
for the child to see
the truth
we kept building
the fickle foundation
because we couldn’t bear
to see the truth

And then we forgot the truth
we forgot the earth
we forgot about being human
we forgot about being a guest

We started to believe the lies
and then we started to believe
ourselves
the same decieving selves
and we believed in the structures
the decietful structures
and we defended the deceipt
and we went to war for it

And we made more rules
and we forced our children
to live deceiptful lives.

But it doesn’t have to continue.
#thegreatpause
#letsnotgetnormal

#TheGreatPause

The world has stopped.
It’s many things
But maybe the most important
of all…
It’s a gift for ourselves
and the next generations.

Check out this essay by Julio Vincent Gambuto:

https://forge.medium.com/prepare-for-the-ultimate-gaslighting-6a8ce3f0a0e0

And this video by Webster Wiley

We’ve never had an opportunity, the whole world, together, to pause and reflect on our lives. Let’s do it and not go back to normal.

#letsnotgetnormal

What have you found for yourself? Share it. Tell people about it…please.

It’s not important how you relate to this Great Pause. Many will disagree about different actions and different causes and such. What’s important is that you, YOU, get in touch with what a world looks like where you’re not “forced” to work because there’s only one system, a world where you could walk and rest, go slow and not worry, be human, learn and grow without the pressure of having to survive economically.

Find the heart of your Great Pause. What is it for you. What do you want to keep and never lose again?

The Return

If you listen hard enough
If you let yourself feel
You will recognize
The fields and playgrounds
Are longing for children

Don’t worry yourself about the pain
It’s natural to feel the pain
Of loss and longing
And so…
Feel it
Allow yourself
To mourn the glee
That isn’t ringing
Through the trees and the grass
Competing with and overwhelming
The bird song
The shouts and laughter

The fields miss the light
Footsteps of a running child
And giving away it’s green and brown
To skin
As a badge of honor
And delight.

If you listen hard enough
You will hear the fields
Longing for children
If you allow yourself to feel
You, too, will mourn
And gratefully so

And appreciate, so much more
The return.

Character

I noticed
the solid ground
because, despite my fear
I landed
rather than continuing to fall
nothing about my fear
changed
my discomfort was full
but I experience
these things
while planted on ground
standing, alone
firm.

And that makes all the difference.

Fear is not knowing
Solid ground is known
by your body
and so your mind
and spirit follow
and not knowing
while standing on your earth
is a different way.

I created that solid ground
by digging
digging, digging
and by wanting to be
better than my anger
stronger than my hate
and distrustful of my punishment.

I listened to my heart
when my heart said

Of course there’s more

I’m new at this
and hope, always, to be…

Of course there’s more
and it’s yours
when you’re ready

Poor Boys

Asking for help
is never an option
if you’re a mans
man

Asking for help
is always forgotten
if you’re a man
with a plan

Why would you ever
ask for help
when you know
you can do it
better yourself

Asking for help
is something to fear
people think you’re
a pussy and that’s
something to fear

If you’re a woman
or girl give it a twirl
there’ll be a man
who will come
and fix up your world

But if you’re a man
or a boy you figure it out
you don’t stop for a minute
to let out a shout
you keep your head down
and heart closed
and you pound away
anger and anger and anger
all day
and you process
and dress up
and diplomacize words
to make sure
you’re the best in the herd
and to make sure
you’re the one who is heard

Whatever you do
you don’t ask for help
you man up and instead
just kill yourself.

Poor boys.

The Chubby Humanitarian

I feel this feeling
starting low
as if from the depths
the hard bottom
of my soul

As if the bottom
is frightfully bad
a waiting nightmare
that, plus sad.

It feels like the end
the end is here
it feels like
there’s nothing
that I can hold dear
it feels like death
but I’ve never been there
it feels like horror
everywhere.

It’s an old friend
because I don’t have many
and this feelings been with me
through thin and plenty.
It was first
and it’s a hog
taking up all the room
stretching out on the log

Fucking feeling
you’ve been bad to me
fucking feeling
you make me sad
to me.

Leave me alone
would you please
so I can just
die in peace.

And then,
on a bird’s song
it changed
and the drums
and trumpets
blared,

The Chubby Humanitarian

Coming Home

When I was young,
I learned to hide
I was still myself
just deep inside
and building
my pearl on the outside
so as not to feel
through the
hard, shiney shell
and so I was protected
but it was hell
always being true
because there’s nothing
else to be
but never being whole
for fear of feeling me

And trust me when I say
Pearls are beauty
on display
and for that beauty
you can dearly pay
not for evil
or to betray
but with your joy
born from your play

So serious
So serious today
and those will tell you
it’s the only way
and everyone is carrying
a heavy day
and everyone will go away
and before you know it
your pearl is grey
but by that time
maybe you’ve lost your way
and instead of celebrating
your pearls decay
you fight to build
another way
with hard smooth edges
that keep away
any vibrations
that might touch your soul
the one you forgot
from young to old
the one that sits
patiently
and will sit forver
waiting for you
to turn
and softly
so softly
say hello
and sit down with it
and be alone
with your best friend
in your life long
home.

Repent

How many times
have I looked blankly
and found the thing
I hate.

Scanning the universe
never knowing
what I see
is what is me
and what I despise
I survive
and what I bemoan
I own

Scanning the universe
so balanced
and accomplished
feeling so…so…
content
but for that goddamn
thug

I don’t hate anyone
But I hate him
but he deserves it

because
because
because

Oh he fucking deserves it

because
because
because

Because I’ve forgotten
the love
and lessons
of my children’s innocence.

I’ve forgotten
and in that forgetting
is only bitterness
resentment
threat
death
and vengence.

It is not healthy to hate
God would probably tell you this
and if you’re not serious about God
then it’s up to you
to decide if your hate is justifiable
and if you are serious about God,
I hope you repent.

Weakness is What you Hate

I think it’s weakness
to hate.
I think it doesn’t matter
how wrong
you’ve been done
or how much pain
you’re in.

I don’t think it matters
if you’re right
I don’t think it matters
if they’re wrong
I don’t think it matters
if they hate
I don’t think it matters
if you love.

I think hate is weakness
and I think weakness
is what you hate.

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