Archive | May 2020

I’m talking to you!

You want the same ole poem?
about heartbreak and vengence,
betrayal and death
of the white horse
and the peasants
You want the same ole poem?
about rage
and injustice
and murder
and violence
You want the same ole poem?
You want the same ole poem?

The poetry is in the fire
the poetry is in the fear
the poetry is in the deception
the poetry is in the greed
the poetry is in the gluttony
the poetry is in the blame

The poetry is in the fire
I declare:

Stop teaching the children to hate
stop teaching the children to fight
stop teaching the children to blame
stop teaching the children
how you love…

You’re love is not enough
you’re love is not good enough
you’re love is not love

Your love is not love

Your love is fear.
your love is desperation.
your love is dependence.
your love is coercion
your love is possession
your love is rage
your love is murder
your love is poverty
your love is malice

disguised as care.

You are confused.
And you have no hope left
and so you throw your children into the pit of despair which you have created, your eyes pinwheeling and spittle flying, you hoist their little bodies, the only chances you ever had to transform yourself, you hoist them into the pit and you don’t know it yet…you don’t know yet because they haven’t hit the bottom,

You do not know what you’re doing
you do not know what you’ve done
you do not know what to do

And so, instead…

You throw your children into the pit of despair you have created.

This Fire Better Let Me In

There’s a fire burning
and I am burned by it.

I turn and run
zig
zag
twist, duck turn.

I run.

As I run
my fear subsides
I check my wounds
I try to hide
my wounds are less
than I thought
they’d be
but that fire was raging
and it burned me.

Now I’m escaped
I move on through
The fires gone
from my purview
and I begin to forget
slowly at first
but forgetting gains speed
once your through
the worst.

And oh, I’m through it
am I ever
I find other things
to keep me clever
and I keep moving
but in my soul
I know that fire’s
still burning
with red hot coals.

But I’m not close
or so I say
and I’ve forgotten it
for another day.

And days go by
and months and
years
And my forgetting is
forged is sweat
and tears
and then like a full assault
one day I turn
and see my fault
and all of a sudden
I’m pitched back in
right back to where
the fire and I begin

And it’s still raging
and there’s no way to win
this fire
this fire

This fire better let me in!

The Purpose of the Heart

Maybe a gift…

To be shown
how you do not fit
and to see
you do not fit
and to feel
you do not fit
and to see,
finally,
how underneath
all of your
persuasion
and dancing
and performance
you, so badly,
want to fit.

The pain of it
is of a different quality
of a secret quality
a quality not spoken off,
kept in the dark places
kept at bay
by the performance
of trying to fit
and resenting the trying.

The ebb and flow of the ego
resenting that
which is not of itself
resenting that which
threatens
it’s facaded walls

The ebb and flow of the self
resenting the performance
resenting the denial
of the self
in disbelief.

How can you forgo your natural self
in the face of such primacy
of feeling.

In the face of such knowledge.

How is it,
in the face of such knowledge
and feeling of yourself
and your deepest secrets
you can still
perform
and so desperately
try to fit it
at the cost of everything.

I am so heartbroken of myself
so heartbroken.

But I am not lost.
No.

After all, as the wise woman says,
what else is a heart for?

Silly Goose

Life. The life we live today, we call it “normal”. We call it normal because we don’t know anything else. We call it normal because…why?

Why?

What we really mean, when we say “normal” is “recognized” or even better, “familiar”. Normal is more scientifically appropriate. Normal is a word to describe processes and to measure. When a human describes another human or a human situation as normal, it’s like using the zoom lense of life to focus the circle of experience that human can have.

What if the culture we’re living is sheer terror, sheer horror, sheer destruction – but not the terror, horror and destruction we’re shown on TV and in movies and video games. What if it’s the kind of destruction dressed up as love, and caring, and compassion and justice.

And what if we call that, “normal”.

What’s got me thinking about this is all the conspiracy talk in general, up and down the spectrum (and that’s what the conspiracy talk is, it’s a spectrum of the same experience, the different sides of the same coin. It’s basically like the frog halfway down the mouth of the crane, with it’s “hands” grasping the crane’s neck so it can’t swallow. These things are only different flavors of denial). Who gets to decide the base from which to make a judgement?

Who gets to decide the base from which to make a judgement and what are the things, specifically, that go into creating that base? Is it what’s “normal”? Is it God? I mean, what else could it be, if it’s not “normal” or God that is the foundation for creating a base from which to then make judgements on the world.

Silly fucking geese! Silly Silly Silly fucking geese.

I was one of these geese. In fact I’m probably still more goose than human…but I’m working on it.

I don’t want to be a Silly Goose for the rest of my life, and neither should you.

The Infinity Of Life

Flower and Iron
eye each other
across the room
their appreciation
and love for eachother

unknown

For now
a placeholder
disdain
and foreign
and admiration
of beauty
and function

But can a flower
admire
what it doesn’t understand

And can iron admire
what it doesn’t
know

Flower and Iron
across the room
in the service of
eachother
without knowing

Such is the underlying
infinity of life.

Of Course Forced Vaccinations Are Coming

There are so many great, heart felt ideas. I don’t know what to choose and I have forgotten many more than I’ve remembered.

It struck me today that I’ve been wrong about something. I like to own up when I get a chance and I’m glad I’m wrong, actually, because it frees me up to explore further, and that’s really what a good life is about.

I’ve been following and jumping in and out of the discussions around vaccinations for most of my adult life and when I say “adult” I mean the time since my son was born. I’m not sure what I was for the 40 years before that, but it wasn’t an adult. Anyway my position has always been one of disdain for force and the rhetoric of force and the machinations of the state and those in authority around how force is the basis for our society and the fact that we don’t admit it.

I’ve taken a fairly standard stance, I think, that force should not be used to compel people to take a vaccine, that people need to be able to make their own choices, that making your own choices and creating a system and structure that encourages people to make their own choices is an important, no…Vital part of living a good, expansive and humane life.

I’ve felt disdain for those who feel force is a legitimate means to an end if what you’re trying to create is a more loving or just society. I’ve felt disdain for myself, even as I’ve used force to get what I want.

But ultimately, my point is…no one should be forced. And then it hit me…

That’s bullshit because people are forced everyday. Prisoners are forced, criminals are forced, people who are arrested are forced, we force people all the time and for all time we have forced people. People who don’t fit into our rules, people we don’t like, don’t trust, fear, hate…whatever. Our culture is a king of force.

And so, I thought to myself, what am I doing thinking and forming arguements in my head and heart, that we shouldn’t force people to get vaccinated, as if force is some kind of novel, abstract occurance, not a regular state of being. People are forced.

And people will be forced to be vaccinated.
This is the life and the world we live in and to spend any more time as a proponent of people being allowed to choose without force and a proponent for peace, risks being the little matchstick girl.

Why would I expect any different than what’s always been? Why “WOULD” not why “Should”. Why WOULD I expect any different. I “would” because I’m delusional. Because I don’t want to imagine I live in the type of horror that other humans can and do inflict on each other daily. Because I don’t want to face the reality that for all of humanity people with power have forced people without power. This is the way of the human.

Why would you think any differently

The Smarties VS The World

Are you paranoid
or just annoyed
or annoyed
at the paranoid?

The funny thing is I’m starting to see the smart people explain why the conspiracy people are, well…what’s the word a smart person would use to describe a conspiracy person…maybe…Stupid?

I don’t know but that’s what comes up because that’s what it feels like when I read some of the things the smarties are saying about the conspirators. Or are they co-conspirators? Who the hell knows…but one thing I want to know, is how they hell does anyone know? And if someone does know, are they perfect? I mean what does it mean to know?

What the ever loving fuck does it mean to know and how is anyone really able to say, with any seriousness at all, that the way they see the world is the correct way and everyone else is a CON-spirit-or, or…Stupid.

I’ve read a bunch, cause that’s how I do thing, and this is the gist of what I’ve read. There’s normal and then there’s conspiracty. There’s what matters and then there’s conspiracy. It’s almost like…hey there, did you see what just happened there…it’s almost like the smarties had a light blow out in their minds and they just began defaulting to, well if you can’t convince them, pretend your assumptions are correct and break it down to the level of leprosy: your “arm” is falling off, so you’re a leper. And the Con-Spirit-Or says, my arm is not falling off and the smarty says, it’s off and the Con-Spirit-or looks down and sees his arm attached and says, I see my arm. And the smarty says, nope, you don’t see it, I know because I don’t see it and if I don’t see it you don’t see it.

And then science gets thrown in, but generally it’s condesceding, which means the science probably is more mythology wrapped in science because real science doesn’t require and isn’t helped by condescension, or even by worry.

So maybe there is a problem and maybe there isn’t. But if there is a problem I’m sure it has more to do with the complete dismantling of the local community from “authorities” driven by financial responsibility within a financial system that has no actual foundation, other than F35 bombers.

Yeah – the freakin’ smarties man…can’t live with ’em, can’t live without…wait a minute…you probably could!

Diary of a Wimply Dad #3

The other day, in the “New School” of computer screen learning I overheard my son responding to a question from his teacher. But before getting to that is it just freaking weird that really my son (and your kids) are just sitting in front of an electrical device and talking to it. That’s what they’re doing, who knows if anything in the electrical device is real, I mean it could just be a toaster with personality, how the hell can we know? Oh jeez…now I’m off down my road of “What’s it all mean, Basil”

So back to what I heard, because I pretend to be working when my kid’s “at school” sitting in the next room over, talking to the toaster…but I’m really listening and the question was,

What’s the silver lining for you, Arthur, during this time?

Teacher

And Arthur’s reply,

Well my parents got me an Xbox because of Covid and because I couldn’t really see my friends and do things with them, so they got me an Xbox and I really liked that.

Kid

I heard the silence from the teachers end, I don’t think that was the answer she was looking for and she quickly moved on to the next child,

An you, Stanford, what’s your silver lining during this time?

Teacher

And Stanford said,

I get to spend time with my parents and help them with the work around the house and figure out new ways to learn using the computer and I also really like making cool signs to put up in people’s yards who are working and don’t have the same privleges I do so that they feel happier.

“Kid”

HA! That’s not what that kid said, in fact there isn’t even a Stanford (thank goodness) in Arthur’s class. But what were you thinking when you read that? And really what the hell is my point anyway?

Well my point is, I think that’s what the teacher wanted, the answer that “Stanford” gave. I think that’s what’s being taught to my kid. I think the fact that my kid really likes his Xbox is frowned upon. I think the “adults” would rather have my kid like humanity, compassion, awareness, love, cooking, sewing and, did I say love…but the problem with that is, he’s a kid.

When the damn teacher began to talk about the “Silver Lining” I was like, what the heck, a kid needs to find a silver lining in the fact that they don’t have to go to school anymore, that they have less rules, more freedom.

I disagree. But who’s going to listen to me anyway, that’s why I keep this journal, to share my thoughts…with…myself. So I guess, yeah, I disagree. When my kid first heard school was closed for the rest of the year he was overjoyed and I noticed it immediately because I was NOT overjoyed, in fact I was worried.

I remember hearing the news and thinking, shit, this is serious and feeling a heavy weight inside my chest. I remember approaching Arthur to tell him, not sure of how to tell him, feeling confused and I remember when it came out he was immediately GLEEFUL…and sadly I remember tamping that GLEEFULLNESS down a bit, not because I want my son to be less gleeful, but because of how uncomfortable I was with a feeling that was so opposite of my own and what that meant about the way I see the world.

And, to bring it all back, that got me thinking about the teacher again and the “Silver Lining” and what must be necessary to have a silver lining. To have a silver lining you have to have a shitty experience, other wise why would you search for something else…Uggg…

So I guess that’s what I’m paying for these days, to have my son be taught that his gleeful experience is really in need of a silver lining. Double Uggghhh…

The World’s Greatest Problem

I overheard a conversation between an authority figure and a child today and a lot of how we’re doing this Pandemic thing became clear. You see I’m a child, a child at heart and sometimes a child of the mind and body. I mean, I’m an adult but I’ve worked hard to keep a child like perspective on some things and I’ve worked hard to keep a childish perspective on some things.

On of the things I love about my child like perspecitve is how much joy and beauty I find in life and, how much fun. It’s not always easy but I’ve managed to keep it, strong and youthful, barefooted, sometimes naked, eating with my hands, laying in the grass, being amazed and being sweet.

But I am no child. A child doesn’t have to try to be a child. A child doesn’t have to keep anything alive, at least that’s the hope, because a child is naturally amazed, naturally joyful and present and full of live. Because a child hasn’t been taught, yet, that there are things he or she should fear so deeply that they put their amazement away for cynicism, complaints, misery and conflict (to name a few), like us adults.

So what did I hear today? I heard what is wrong with the world in a single sentence.

What’s the silver lining for you during this Covid-19

That’s is. That was the sentence. And it struck me…why…what causes the need to find a silver lining? Well, a shitty lining, of course. You can’t search for a silver lining if you’re not in the midst of a shitting lining. People who are in the silver lining don’t search for more silver. You have to be unhappy with your current situation if you’re creating the opportunity for a silver lining.

And this is what we, us adults, are doing to and for our kids. We’re assuming, for them, that their lives are shitty and we’re suggesting, based on that assumption, that they try to find something better.

I’m going to come back to to this in a moment, but first I’d ask that you take a moment and think and feel about your kids. Remember their birthday, how that day you became so much more full as a human. Remember how perfect they were (and still are). Remember how you saw and wanted nothing but goodness and love and joy for them in their lives. Can you think of your kids that way?

Now think what you would do and how you would feel if you knew someone was forcing your kids to learn about misery, teaching them how to to focus on negativity, guiding them to disregard their own feelings about life and replace them with feelings of a scared, overwhelmed, stressed out, adult.

What if that adult if you?

Kids are creatures of the present. Everytime we encourage them to abstract we’re encouraging them to get out of the present moment and enter the world of the mind. There is a time and place for this, obviously it’s good if a human learns how to use their mind, but be careful when they are young. Be careful of how you want them to use their mind. Be careful what you feed them, especially if it feels right, to you.

What we do when we assume that our kids are confused and scared and stressed, like us, is that we teach them to be that way. We open up doors to them, we show them how and we are very good teachers, because we’ve been doing it all our lives.

A kid isn’t thinking what we’re thinking. A kid doesn’t understand a global pandemic. A kid isn’t struggling with school being closed…or having more time to play or stay up late, or have less rules or eat more of what they like…A kid is psyched that there’s no more school, and completely pysched about all the other things that come. And stop reading if you’re sensitive, but if your kids isn’t psyched, they’re probably lying or you’ve already embedded your negative assumptions into their fertile little brains.

That’s rough. But you don’t have to keep doing it. And please, don’t keep doing it. Don’t keep leading your child to see the way you see the world, encourage them to be themselves and have enough courage to allow their nurturing gaze and their joy for life, rule, uninhibited and let it wash over your own fear and displeasure. Our children should not learn displeasure from us, they will learn it plenty from the world. You would not want someone to teach your child how to be afraid, especially if they are not, so do not be the someone who teaches fear to children.

The Reckoning

A friend called
he’s not good
stuck in life
the merry go round
has brought him around again
to where he started
when he was furthest away
he thought he was happy
but as the giant wheel
spun him back
before he knew where
he would end up
his ego began to fight
because it knew
where he was headed

back…
back to reckonning
back to self
back to soul
sitting in the chair
exactly as he was left
so many years ago
he sits, his soul
and knows
the ego will have to
come back to face him
and the ego
and the soul
are not sympatico

That’s the point
the beautiful perfection
of the merry go round
it will go around
it will take you away
the soul will not
go with you
unless properly invited
and if not,
the soul will sit,
knowing
waiting
persisting
patient
being
the soul will wait
and without the soul
the trip out and back
on the merry go round
is full of treats and temptations
all borrowed
all borrowed
and the ego will consume
and consume
and the ego won’t
believe
it’s not getting caught
and at the same time
the ego will know
it’s caught
but there are no immediate
effects
and so the consuming
continues
and the merry go round
swings round
reaches it’s zenith
and begins to come
back home
the ego knows this
return
and celebrates
like an ego would
by consuming more
by becoming manic
and full
all to forget
about the reckoning
the unavoidable reckoning.

The good thing
is the ego’s power
is not real
if you don’t want it to be
and so, if you want,
after some time has gone
and you’ve been out
and come back
you can, if you want
put the ego down
and invite the soul
the ego will fight
and it will feel like
it’s the end of the world
but it’s not.

It’s the beginning.

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