Have I made a terrible mistake?
And so I write now to examine it. I write as Damon Brink. I write in acceptance of who I am and what I have done and I write to examine and hunt for both the truth and the good. It’s possible I will find neither and I write with that fore-knowledge.
One thing is certain. I am not as good and as noble as I think I am, as I pretend to be, as I wish others to be. I have my share of misery, deep and often as seductive as a whore. I complain inwardly, I suffer, I blame and I seek to make others responsible for my own pain.
I use anger like a weapon and I wield it with a skill born of 50 years of training and indoctrination. I take advantage of my privilege, often without giving back.
I hurt the ones that are closest to me, that I love the most, purely out of an unwillingness and incapacity to look at and change my own perception. I am selfish, indulgent, petty, violent and prideful.
It’s not looking good.
So what, then, is the point?
The point is, simply, that I am a human being, like you are a human being. We are not different species. And on this day, the day, eleven years ago, that I became a father, I realized something that I have since put away and then hid away. I realized as I looked into the eyes of my son, as I felt his helpless body and heard his first cry, as I stood in awe of the strength of the woman who had born him out and the wisdom of the women who assisted her, as I played a helpless and most fortunate observer to the process of life, I realized how far our world had drifted from our own hearts and our own love. As I experienced the birth of my son, I realized that every father had, at one time, had the thought “how can violence exist” in the face of this.
How can such violence exist in the face of my newly born child?
I had the thought that fatherhood could help save world, if it only could be held onto.
I saw a world, enflamed and protected by the love of the father.
And I have failed.
I have failed to keep my truth burning. I have failed to lead with the flame of pure love. I have given up and given in to the world around me and to the world inside of me.
I have failed.
What have I chosen instead of the flame? What have I chosen instead of the truth? What have I chosen instead of the good? I have chosen culture. I have chosen society. I have chosen emotional blankness. I have chosen comfort. I have chosen popularity. I have chosen righteousness. I have chosen obligation. I have chosen fear.
I have chosen to remain quite while all around me fools plan for impossibility. I have been a fool.
But No More.
No. Fucking. More.
Which brings me to my second point. Fuck You. I’m coming for you. I’m coming for the cowards. I’m coming for the fools. I’m coming for the righteous, I’m coming for the rules. I’m coming now and bringing myself, who’s been so slow and long away, I’m coming now, invite me in, you’ve had so much to say. I’m coming for all you liars, cheats and bores…and guess what you mutha fuckers, I’m teaming with the whores!
So get your violence ready
Because that’s all that you have left
and really it’s all you’ve ever had
since early on
you came bereft
And the beauty of it all
is that I don’t even have to come
there’s no escape for you
no matter what
you’ve laid the table
what’s done is done is done
But life cares not
how you feel
or how you can convince
life doesn’t care if
people agree with you
or if there’s no dissent
Life doesn’t care
that you have the law
doesn’t care that you are right
doesn’t care if you are mighty
what you have coming
is the night
and what you have coming
is the blight
and what you have created
for your families
is only, purely, fright.
I used to speak with honour
I used to care a lot
but I don’t hang
and I don’t agree
with the folks
who run that lot.
So if you are a coward,
which you surely are,
There’s no escape from me
and I can only hope you dare.
And as you read this
and run in fear
and start to stutter, shake and stare
just know that I am waiting
to hear what you will share
and know that what you’re sharing
is for everyone and all time
and feel the weight of all the eyes
and all the hearts and minds
as you write and say your
all wrapped up behind false names
you’re shining dull
for all the world
and I’ll kill you with my rhymes.
I’m coming for you
you fearful thots
and useless idiots
your day is over
hope you enjoyed it
but I know
that you did not.
Ok. So there’s that. Yes, i failed and I have failed to be the father that saw true love and true peace and true brotherhood, but I’m getting back up and dusting myself off. Come at me bro!
There’s so much ripeness. I’ve picked a bunch of “fruit” and now it’s to create something beautiful and delicious before it rots. I will be touching back on these writings for as long as the fruit remains ripe. I would love and appreciate your thougts and feelings on whatever topic moves you.
- Can “Vermont” Lead Us?
- Guilt and Shame are Flavors Not Food
- Courageous Parenting
- Why I Love Monuments
- If You Haven’t Changed, Why Do You Expect Others To Have Changed?
- Advice To Black People
- The Real War Is Coming
- We’re Always Fighting The State
- I’m a Racist Heathen and It’s My World
Can “Vermont” Lead Us?
The Brave Little State speech is like a lifeline today, a lifeline that has been under assault, known or not, by our political apparatus which are not completely but overwhelmingly driven by financial desires. “Vermont” can lead us…
I love Vermont because of her hills and valleys, her scenery and invigorating climate, but most of all because of her indomitable people. They are a race of pioneers who have almost beggared themselves to serve others. If the spirit of liberty should vanish in other parts of the Union, and support of our institutions should languish, it could all be replenished from the generous store held by the people of this brave little state of Vermont.Calvin Coolidge, 1928 “Brave Little State”
Guilt and Shame are Flavors Not Food
Making decisions because of guilt or shame is following a sociopathic morality and a lot of “normal” people are doing that.
There’s no getting it right but there is getting it wrong. In fact sometimes the only way we can find our way is by continuously getting it wrong, seeing it’s wrong and making an adjustment to a lesser wrong. Courageous parenting is getting it less wrong. But this is very hard, next to impossible in the social systems we’ve created, and it would be very hard to do without support of a community who believe as you, even if it’s a tiny community.
Why I Love Monuments
Someone, generally before we were alive, wanted us to remember something. They wanted us to remember so much that they built great structures that took great resources and even lives. What did they want us to remember and why is it important to remember?
If You Haven’t Changed, Why Do You Expect Others To Have Changed?
Have you changed your beliefs? Or have you just gotten more familiar with what you believe and more invested? Can you see the futility of thinking others should change if you haven’t? It’s pretty easy to see what’s coming when you look at the consistency of how people behave. Until that consistency is broken, nothing will change in the way we want it to.
It’s crazy, right? It’s like everyone thinks they just got the new information that will finally convince everyone else who’ve been adamantly opposed to finally agree. What the hell is that about? Have you noticed that the arguements have only changed content? Yes, and now everyone’s adding the condecension into their posts to reflect that not only are you, as the one holding the opposing viewpoint, wrong in your viewpoint but you are also of lesser intelligence and moral character than “I” and “I” will be sure you know that (because making sure people who you disagree with feel morally and intellectually inferior is a sure sign of the moral high ground).
It’s really basic in some ways. We have an important bunch of things to talk about. People are listening and people care but there’s a very vocal and fairly large group of people who have proclaimed, with no evidence whatsoever, that THEY are the authority on what is good and bad. These folks haven’t changed, they feel more like themselves than ever and that’s the most terrifying thing because while many people have taken this #GreatPause to to painful, introspective work, to deepen their understanding of how we are all connected, how our mutual actions and mutual behavior matters, as we seek towards justice in the world.
It’s really basic but some just don’t get it. If you’re behaving in a cruel, oppressive, violent, hateful way towards others, if you are belittling, shaming or using fear to motivate others (or yourselves) you cannot achieve Justice for anyone. But you will achieve something, it might be a different form of Justice for yourself but it won’t be the Justice you seek.
Are you the type that uses these strategies to try to convince others of your own moral standing? Are you the type that says it’s ok to shame people into changing their viewpoints and then call that progress? Are you the type to behave in a hateful way towards others on your question to achieve a less violent society for people? Time to take a hard freaking look in the mirror if you are and if you’re not sure, just go back over your social media posts, take a look at who you are in that realm and you’ll have your answer.
Advice To Black People
Black Power and if you really want justice, how to talk to white people (Capitalization intended exactly as is).
The Real War Is Coming
when you focus on differences, war is inevitable because you can always find differences. The biggest difference in our existence is not skin color or money, it’s what we are familiar with as The Male and what we are unfamiliar which is known as the “Female” but is more accurately described as the “Non-Male”.
We’re Always Fighting The State
“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people he didn’t exist”.
How “The State” must have chaos because without it, what would be it’s job and how this creates a false belief that the State is the authority on human rights and the only grantor and we are driven so insane by this belief that we sit silent in our humanity while screaming at the top of our lungs that we have not been granted something that is impossible to grant and when the impossiblity is then bestowed on us, we find no joy because joy is not possible with false grantings and meanwhile the thing we truly want has been forgotten or distracted from and the state of that thing, the truly important thing has become more jeapordized than it was before we undertook to have it’s solution granted to us.
The State is rule. It is designed to create and enforce rules. It’s not designed to promote humanity, it can’t because the State has only one mechanism for change, force. We have fallen so far away from an appropriate State entity that there should be no arguement for increased State anything!
Look at how we are all running around arguing with each other, screaming and yelling and fighting for things that cannot be granted. We cannot grant justice, we cannot grant equality, we cannot grant peace, we cannot grant these things and yet not only do we try to have them granted to us, we have creates a behemoth, the State, that takes our money on top of not being able to grant us the things we most dearly want.
Arguements about this are low hanging fruit and can be summed up simply by taking the example of the “Civil Rights Movement” of the 60’s where the illusion that a State Mechanism could some how grant civility to a person was played out in full. This is the Devil convincing the people he doesn’t exist. How did we come to believe, in the first place, that a State, could grant us our humanity? How was this initial tricked played on us and how did we buy into that so completely that people have died and killed to achieve not only the unachievable but to also poison their own sense of morality and to then feed that poison to the next generation?
My arguement is that we have died and killed, sacrificed and suffered for the fantasy that The State can somehow save us, save our humanity or be the primary driver of a humane life and worse, yes, worse we have not only suffered great pains and death to uphold this fantasy but worse we refuse the messages of our soul and from our children. We refuse to hear the messages of our children. Before we let them speak, before we hear them…we inform them, we inject them with this poison fantasy that is ours alone and we do this in action well before we speak it and because our children are the most effective learning machines and pattern machines they pick it up almost immediately and with nothing in place to interrupt the base assumption that they are not good enough and that they must seek the approval of the the State (Authority) to validate their goodness, a goodness and righetousness that we demonstrate can only be granted from above, we poison our children, we ensure the cycle of war.
Whether we want to see it or not, people are not the enemy of people. The State can be an enemy of people and in most cases, maybe all cases, it is, if you must find an enemy. If you must find a fight and maybe we must, let the fight be against the State. If we must tame and topple and demand and threaten, let it be against a State that seeks to make us believe we need it in a way that it must be inserted into every aspect of our lives. We do not need it. The State is like technology, it’s our bitch, we use it, not the other way around.
I’m a Racist Heathen and It’s My World
What is all this arguing about
Crazy white people
Crazy black people
I think it’s time to get into some trouble.
I’ve been writing since I was, what…12 or so…maybe 11.
I’m sometimes good at it
With brief sparks of clarityand beauty (I think).
I started and written many blogs in my life
Hundreds of posts
and diarrhea (sorry about that)
I started a blog called “Lynch”
the day after Trump was elected
The first poem was called”Rooting for Trump”.
It was my outlet for processing the world.
I love social media for what it makes possible
I hate social media for what it makes possible
I work to stay on the “love” side
The more I face the violence
and apathy in myself
the more I find the necessity for art
because art transcends externalities
and has the potential to touch souls
and now, more than ever,
touching souls is what I think we need,
It’s what I need.
There is so much that has been unsaid
There is so much that has been left unsaid
As a male as a man as a boy
I am conditioned to heroic stoicism
I benefit from my silence
Not a real benefit
But the perception of safety
The perception of acceptance
My benefit is only a perception
and is not real
In fact, if I am a good person,which I realize I am,
the reality is my silence
has created the world
And I think the world needs to change
so I think trying a different approach might be good.
As the GREAT Peter Tosh sings
“I don’t want no peace, I want
equal rights and justice”.
Before anything and anyone
My son and all those I love
I want justice for myself
my internal self
and without speaking
I can never know my internal self
and if I can not know my Internal self
I cannot have justice for myself
and if I cannot have justice for myself
I can never attempt to offer justice to the world.
There is so much to say
So much to express
so much pain
so much love
and much fear
and much hate
So with the intent to pierce hate
and to temper fear with Character
I will be releasing “LYNCH”
to the world
I hope you’re affected
In a way that touches
This is so funny
because it’s not funny at all
and that’s the root of all great humor!
We (and by “We” I mean humans)
are going to get what want.
You no longer
At least no one
we have come so far
as to not have to worry
of human existence
100 years ago?
200 years ago?
200 years ago
if you weren’t sowing fields
you wouldn’t eat
and no one would care
beyond using your
situation to motivate
their family to survive
better than yours.
we have created
the space to
We don’t have to survive
There are no secrets
great men and woman
have come before
and laid pathways
to the heart and soul
they are clearly marked.
Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone; for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.Joeseph Campbell
we turn back
we turn away
we point out fingers
In this new world
in this new imagination
in this new potential
like scared children
at the dark
when all that’s happened
is that the sun has gone down
and nature has
continued to turn her work.
we demand it
to be worse
than it is
that all is lost
that the pain
from our nature
that our stunned
parents believe us
that all is lost.
We are behaving like
What kind of parent
do you want to be?
Because it’s your choice.
You’re making it now.
You can change it.
But the longer you wait
the more pain there will be
and it is possible,
if you want to be the most loving parent
that you will be killed
by your children
The pain of good parenting
is the hardest pain
the deepest pain
you must sacrifice
and become yourself.
What have you sacrificed?
I’m not strong enough to be silent.
I’m not strong enough to just do it.
Are you strong enough to work hard at life
while life offers you the comfort of the righteous?
Are you strong enough to jump into the ring
when there are so many reasons not to?
I would like to ask you,
What is the answer?
Are you the one who knows?
Or do you know someone…
it should be easy enough to find,
I just can’t find anyone right now.
I looked around a while back
and there were answers everywhere
everyone seemed to know
and I thought,
There must be something wrong with me.A person who doesn’t have an answer
And so I’m asking you,
because I’m concerned for my son
and my family and life
and don’t want there to be more
And you seem to know.
So…what do you think?
What should I do?
The other day, in the “New School” of computer screen learning I overheard my son responding to a question from his teacher. But before getting to that is it just freaking weird that really my son (and your kids) are just sitting in front of an electrical device and talking to it. That’s what they’re doing, who knows if anything in the electrical device is real, I mean it could just be a toaster with personality, how the hell can we know? Oh jeez…now I’m off down my road of “What’s it all mean, Basil”
So back to what I heard, because I pretend to be working when my kid’s “at school” sitting in the next room over, talking to the toaster…but I’m really listening and the question was,
What’s the silver lining for you, Arthur, during this time?Teacher
And Arthur’s reply,
Well my parents got me an Xbox because of Covid and because I couldn’t really see my friends and do things with them, so they got me an Xbox and I really liked that.Kid
I heard the silence from the teachers end, I don’t think that was the answer she was looking for and she quickly moved on to the next child,
An you, Stanford, what’s your silver lining during this time?Teacher
And Stanford said,
I get to spend time with my parents and help them with the work around the house and figure out new ways to learn using the computer and I also really like making cool signs to put up in people’s yards who are working and don’t have the same privleges I do so that they feel happier.“Kid”
HA! That’s not what that kid said, in fact there isn’t even a Stanford (thank goodness) in Arthur’s class. But what were you thinking when you read that? And really what the hell is my point anyway?
Well my point is, I think that’s what the teacher wanted, the answer that “Stanford” gave. I think that’s what’s being taught to my kid. I think the fact that my kid really likes his Xbox is frowned upon. I think the “adults” would rather have my kid like humanity, compassion, awareness, love, cooking, sewing and, did I say love…but the problem with that is, he’s a kid.
When the damn teacher began to talk about the “Silver Lining” I was like, what the heck, a kid needs to find a silver lining in the fact that they don’t have to go to school anymore, that they have less rules, more freedom.
I disagree. But who’s going to listen to me anyway, that’s why I keep this journal, to share my thoughts…with…myself. So I guess, yeah, I disagree. When my kid first heard school was closed for the rest of the year he was overjoyed and I noticed it immediately because I was NOT overjoyed, in fact I was worried.
I remember hearing the news and thinking, shit, this is serious and feeling a heavy weight inside my chest. I remember approaching Arthur to tell him, not sure of how to tell him, feeling confused and I remember when it came out he was immediately GLEEFUL…and sadly I remember tamping that GLEEFULLNESS down a bit, not because I want my son to be less gleeful, but because of how uncomfortable I was with a feeling that was so opposite of my own and what that meant about the way I see the world.
And, to bring it all back, that got me thinking about the teacher again and the “Silver Lining” and what must be necessary to have a silver lining. To have a silver lining you have to have a shitty experience, other wise why would you search for something else…Uggg…
So I guess that’s what I’m paying for these days, to have my son be taught that his gleeful experience is really in need of a silver lining. Double Uggghhh…
I overheard a conversation between an authority figure and a child today and a lot of how we’re doing this Pandemic thing became clear. You see I’m a child, a child at heart and sometimes a child of the mind and body. I mean, I’m an adult but I’ve worked hard to keep a child like perspective on some things and I’ve worked hard to keep a childish perspective on some things.
On of the things I love about my child like perspecitve is how much joy and beauty I find in life and, how much fun. It’s not always easy but I’ve managed to keep it, strong and youthful, barefooted, sometimes naked, eating with my hands, laying in the grass, being amazed and being sweet.
But I am no child. A child doesn’t have to try to be a child. A child doesn’t have to keep anything alive, at least that’s the hope, because a child is naturally amazed, naturally joyful and present and full of live. Because a child hasn’t been taught, yet, that there are things he or she should fear so deeply that they put their amazement away for cynicism, complaints, misery and conflict (to name a few), like us adults.
So what did I hear today? I heard what is wrong with the world in a single sentence.
What’s the silver lining for you during this Covid-19
That’s is. That was the sentence. And it struck me…why…what causes the need to find a silver lining? Well, a shitty lining, of course. You can’t search for a silver lining if you’re not in the midst of a shitting lining. People who are in the silver lining don’t search for more silver. You have to be unhappy with your current situation if you’re creating the opportunity for a silver lining.
And this is what we, us adults, are doing to and for our kids. We’re assuming, for them, that their lives are shitty and we’re suggesting, based on that assumption, that they try to find something better.
I’m going to come back to to this in a moment, but first I’d ask that you take a moment and think and feel about your kids. Remember their birthday, how that day you became so much more full as a human. Remember how perfect they were (and still are). Remember how you saw and wanted nothing but goodness and love and joy for them in their lives. Can you think of your kids that way?
Now think what you would do and how you would feel if you knew someone was forcing your kids to learn about misery, teaching them how to to focus on negativity, guiding them to disregard their own feelings about life and replace them with feelings of a scared, overwhelmed, stressed out, adult.
What if that adult if you?
Kids are creatures of the present. Everytime we encourage them to abstract we’re encouraging them to get out of the present moment and enter the world of the mind. There is a time and place for this, obviously it’s good if a human learns how to use their mind, but be careful when they are young. Be careful of how you want them to use their mind. Be careful what you feed them, especially if it feels right, to you.
What we do when we assume that our kids are confused and scared and stressed, like us, is that we teach them to be that way. We open up doors to them, we show them how and we are very good teachers, because we’ve been doing it all our lives.
A kid isn’t thinking what we’re thinking. A kid doesn’t understand a global pandemic. A kid isn’t struggling with school being closed…or having more time to play or stay up late, or have less rules or eat more of what they like…A kid is psyched that there’s no more school, and completely pysched about all the other things that come. And stop reading if you’re sensitive, but if your kids isn’t psyched, they’re probably lying or you’ve already embedded your negative assumptions into their fertile little brains.
That’s rough. But you don’t have to keep doing it. And please, don’t keep doing it. Don’t keep leading your child to see the way you see the world, encourage them to be themselves and have enough courage to allow their nurturing gaze and their joy for life, rule, uninhibited and let it wash over your own fear and displeasure. Our children should not learn displeasure from us, they will learn it plenty from the world. You would not want someone to teach your child how to be afraid, especially if they are not, so do not be the someone who teaches fear to children.
My kid told me he never got to do anything he wanted, he was oppressed, he was always told what to do, he never had anything of his own and how adults just turn kids into their slaves. He said he never got to do ANYTHING he wanted to do, ever; there was no arguing about this.
He told me he was reading a book, actually he had read a book, over and over…and over again, this book called Diary of a Wimply kid and how Gregg, one of the main characters has it totally right when it comes to the parent child relationship. Well, I said to him, after the 50th time he finished telling me he NEVER gets to do ANYTHING he wants, I think I’m going to write a book, called Diary of a Wimpy Dad.
He looked blankly at me for a minute and ohh, what a minute it was because I could tell what was coming into that chaotic little engine of a brain of his was an idea he’d never had before and, as the Boss Baby says, it blew his little baby mind!
That’s right, first of all, to hell with the author of that book, what the hell does he think he’s doing, exposing all the dirty little secrets of parenting and putting these foolish ideas into kids minds, again and again and…again, that they should somehow have what they want, when they want, all the time. As if keeping the little fuckers alive, fed, clothed and in 43 summer camps isn’t enough, now we have to deal with this sell out of a parent!
Well, I’ve had enough, both of the Author and of my kid constantly telling me how bad his life is in between shooting baskets, jumping on the trampoline, eating pizza and then an ice cream sandwich and playing Xbox before going to his customized parkour class. He barely has time, but he always finds the bit he does have, to make sure I KNOW how put upon HE IS, by me and his mom. He even has the nerve sometimes to hold the “Torch” up for all the PUT UPON children of the world.
Well guess what parents – as Twisted Sister so daintilty said We’re Not Gonna Take it, Anymore! It’s our time. It’s our time to set these damn kids straight and feed this fictional Gregg kid and his author some reality milkshakes, with frozen bannana and NO YOGURT, DAD! Yeah, yeah, but reality milkshakes none the less…after all you can’t change everything over night.
So welcome to Diary of A Wimpy Dad – it’s time for parents to fight back against the tyranny of the ten year old. Who’s with me? WHOOOOOOSSSSEEEE WITHHHH MEEEEEEEEEEEEE????
Mom, I’m scared.
people are being weird
and not very nice to each other
there’s a lot of yelling and screaming
and there’s a lot of pointing fingers and arguing
people are loud.
Mom, I’m scared
I don’t want to die
I don’t want you to die
do you hear all those people talkin
they’re saying that everyone’s going to die
people are so loud.
I’m scared, mommy
Why are people doing this
being so loud and angry and mean
it’s like there’s a virus but it’s not what they think
I wish they would stop. Don’t they know there’s little kids around
there’s so much yelling.
I don’t know what to do
when faced with the
inevitability of death
and when it comes
and I realize
my last breath has come
I will not be breathing again
I want to be love
It will be terribly sad
I imagine but I want to be love
And so, when it comes, young one
I will think of you and look unto you
and smile in my whole heart
as I begin my next journey
always to be with you
and always to see you again
and always to see you again.