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The Diary of the Wimpy Dad

My kid told me he never got to do anything he wanted, he was oppressed, he was always told what to do, he never had anything of his own and how adults just turn kids into their slaves. He said he never got to do ANYTHING he wanted to do, ever; there was no arguing about this.

He told me he was reading a book, actually he had read a book, over and over…and over again, this book called Diary of a Wimply kid and how Gregg, one of the main characters has it totally right when it comes to the parent child relationship. Well, I said to him, after the 50th time he finished telling me he NEVER gets to do ANYTHING he wants, I think I’m going to write a book, called Diary of a Wimpy Dad.

He looked blankly at me for a minute and ohh, what a minute it was because I could tell what was coming into that chaotic little engine of a brain of his was an idea he’d never had before and, as the Boss Baby says, it blew his little baby mind!

That’s right, first of all, to hell with the author of that book, what the hell does he think he’s doing, exposing all the dirty little secrets of parenting and putting these foolish ideas into kids minds, again and again and…again, that they should somehow have what they want, when they want, all the time. As if keeping the little fuckers alive, fed, clothed and in 43 summer camps isn’t enough, now we have to deal with this sell out of a parent!

Well, I’ve had enough, both of the Author and of my kid constantly telling me how bad his life is in between shooting baskets, jumping on the trampoline, eating pizza and then an ice cream sandwich and playing Xbox before going to his customized parkour class. He barely has time, but he always finds the bit he does have, to make sure I KNOW how put upon HE IS, by me and his mom. He even has the nerve sometimes to hold the “Torch” up for all the PUT UPON children of the world.

Well guess what parents – as Twisted Sister so daintilty said We’re Not Gonna Take it, Anymore! It’s our time. It’s our time to set these damn kids straight and feed this fictional Gregg kid and his author some reality milkshakes, with frozen bannana and NO YOGURT, DAD! Yeah, yeah, but reality milkshakes none the less…after all you can’t change everything over night.

So welcome to Diary of A Wimpy Dad – it’s time for parents to fight back against the tyranny of the ten year old. Who’s with me? WHOOOOOOSSSSEEEE WITHHHH MEEEEEEEEEEEEE????

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:to put to death (as by hanging) by mob action without legal approval or permission

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