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A Manchild Lament

We are owed nothing
and in only a short time
we’ve travelled so far
in our mind
to think that we
to think that I
can have the sky
because at one time
it was said
to be given to me.

We all start out
being given
everything
there’s no bell to ring
we don’t have to show up
we just exist
and overfloweth our cup.

But there’s nothing bad
about heaping praise
and heaping love
and lovely days
of giving and piling on
the gifts
it teaches us
such things exist.

What’s bad is if we never learn
and never grown
and never yearn
to create a thing
for ourselves
and by ourselves
that we can bring
into existence
by manifesting.

For me
it’s rough
and I don’t know why
all I say is that I try and try
and I can’t seem to find
the reason why
love has left me
alone to cry.

The Truest Pain

When Jean realizes she’s been lying to herself and she sees the truth, she goes to her knees. The ultimate defeat is coming face to face with your own deception and being destroyed. But what really is destroyed?

In this case Jean’s world view, her internal structure, her ego is destroyed but ironically it’s destroyed when it is revealed to a part of herself that is not her ego and it is revealed at it’s strongest point, it’s most ferocious, self serving, climatic point. The lesson is that until you face your ego in all of it’s horrible glory you cannot know the part of yourself that is your infinite, eternal and gracious human self.

The cost for Jean is high. It’s her life. The cost for us could be the same. I think that although the fear of death, humiliation, bodily harm can and does keep our graceful human self from stepping into the light, when we overcome that fear and take that step, we would experience the essence of freedom and all the deception would become clear.

And the cost would become clear and it would dissolve our ego because ego is us as god and grace is us as a tendril of god’s love. The beauty of the horror of the realization that we have behaved in gluttonous, murderous, tyranical ways is that nothing can change it, more poignantly it’s the acceptance that nothing can change what we’ve done and how we’ve behaved. The ego is dead and is no longer actively trying to create the deception that we are godly or good and room is now allowed to feel the true pain of the reality that we are good and that we have done horrible things. That is the true pain of being human in the world.

That we are good and we do horrible things.

Defeat

I was troubled
and yet walked forth
all the time
in my mind.

It was supposed to be
a celebration
because everyone
was celebrating.

But really
what it was,
a competition
and I was not prepared.

Somehow I was supposed to be
because that’s how
competition works
you prepare.

And even my closest friends
wouldn’t walk with me
and what a surprise
that was.

And so I continued on,
troubled and afraid
and making up
the worst.

My opponent
was bigger, stronger, younger
and I no longer
had the mindset.

But it was the ghost
of my mindset
that brought me
and carried me
full of thought
and dread
and habit
back to the arena.

Why was I here.
Why do I keep walking
so full of trouble.

Why do I keep walking.

I do not think
the answer
is noble,

Yet.

Trouble Time

I think it’s time to get into some trouble.

I’ve been writing since I was, what…12 or so…maybe 11.
I’m sometimes good at it
Mostly indulgent
With brief sparks of clarityand beauty (I think).

I started and written many blogs in my life
Hundreds of posts
poetry
prose
and diarrhea (sorry about that)

I started a blog called “Lynch”
the day after Trump was elected
The first poem was called”Rooting for Trump”.

It was my outlet for processing the world.
I love social media for what it makes possible
I hate social media for what it makes possible
I work to stay on the “love” side

The more I face the violence
and apathy in myself
the more I find the necessity for art
because art transcends externalities
and has the potential to touch souls
and now, more than ever,
touching souls is what I think we need,
It’s what I need.

There is so much that has been unsaid
There is so much that has been left unsaid
As a male as a man as a boy
I am conditioned to heroic stoicism
but worse
I benefit from my silence
Not a real benefit
But the perception of safety
The perception of acceptance
My benefit is only a perception
and is not real
In fact, if I am a good person,which I realize I am,
the reality is my silence
has created the world
And I think the world needs to change
so I think trying a different approach might be good.

As the GREAT Peter Tosh sings
“I don’t want no peace, I want
equal rights and justice”.

Before anything and anyone
My son and all those I love
I want justice for myself
my internal self
and without speaking
with curiosity
convictionand experience
I can never know my internal self
and if I can not know my Internal self
I cannot have justice for myself
and if I cannot have justice for myself
I can never attempt to offer justice to the world.
There is so much to say
So much to express
so much pain
so much love
and much fear
and much hate

So with the intent to pierce hate
with Love
and to temper fear with Character
I will be releasing “LYNCH”
to the world
I hope you’re affected
In a way that touches
your soul.

Run To Yourself

It’s the grace of age,
of years spent
living
no matter
how hard you try
you can not fully
prevent wisdom.

I sit with walls of wood
sunlight and silent
but churning
inside
always churning
always chewing
on what the world
gives me
so busy
on the inside
so busy
on the inside
adapting
crafting
making order
assuming
preparing.

So busy, on the inside.

But the walls
remain silent
the sky waits
and the trees
enjoy the waiting
the wind touches
and does not judge
the animals
scury and feed
but are not busy
and the sunlight beams
paint eternity.

I churn.
I chew.
Constantly I shelter
and create the storm
constantly I create the strom
constantly I shelter.

I churn.

And I can barely discern,
barely
as if the mists of my habits
and the fog of my socialization
have a more sinister purpose,
I barely discern
I barely discern
I barely discern
my goodness
but then,
I become sure of it,
because it discerns me

and comes running to me.

The Machinery of Hate, Pt 1

You don’t have to stop calling it Racism. Racism exists and it’s not good and it would be good and it is important to prioritize, especially, State Sponsored racism, for example the criminalization of society which affects poor people of which black people are disproportionally represented. We need to decriminalize living and we need to do it now and we need immediately release anyone who the State has put in prison because they were made a criminal by society, non-violent drug offenders come right to mind. This is where I have failed, where I have been complicit, where I have been afraid to speak out, where I have been apathetic and maintained the attitude that if it’s not happening to me, it doesn’t matter. I’m ashamed of this behavior and this moment in time has woken me up to my complacency and the injustice it’s helped foster. As a white skinned brother I say we need to do more to address the injustices that our black skinned brothers and sisters are bringing up and we need to do it now.

But there is a larger villain than racism. There’s an issue that’s so fundamental and so ingrained that it hides in plain site even as it spreads. This villain is so old and wise and thorough that it has convinced many of us it doesn’t exist, even as we demonstrate it. This villain is so crafty that it is able to attack cloaked as it’s opposite. This villain is so deadly that it has us teaching our own children how to embrace it. This villain is so prevalent that it has entire systems of machinery that help do it’s work.

This villain is Hate.

Racism as we see it today can not exist without Hate but Hate can surely exist without Racism. Hate is internally sown and infects everything that comes through it’s filter. Hate flavors everything. Racism is externally focused and can be called many things, all of them basically meaning hatred of another person for the differences you see in them. A loving person will not be a racist person and that’s a heavy sentence to put out there, but it’s true.

A loving person will not be a racist person (in the way we understand Racism today). That doesn’t mean that we must all be loving in order to have Justice (but it might) but it does mean that there is only one cure for Racism, there is only one cure for injustice, but it’s a real cure, it’s a final cure, it’s the ultimate cure, it’s the cure for Hate which is the cause of racism. It’s Love.

When I look at the Machinery of Hate, it’s so complete. It’s literally like in all the movies ever made. It’s Mordor, it’s The Dark Side, it’s the Kracken, it’s the Devil. If you haven’t read Joseph Campbell, and you’re concerned about this struggle, you MUST read or listen to his series with Bill Moyers, “The Power of Myth” because he talks about the Heroes Journey and he talks about the fact that none of this, none of what we face today is new, it’s been with us for all time and the “Labyrinth is fully known” because it’s been traveled by the heroes that have come before.

The Machinery of Hate is too subtle and sublime to dismantle as you would a bomb or a prison or a political system or even a society. You could dismantle all of these things and you will not touch the Machinery of Hate, the machine will chug on because it doesn’t exist outside yourself. For a terrifying example of the Machinery of Hate – watch the last scene in “Devil’s Advocate” with Keannau Reeves and Al Pacino. This is the Machinery of Hate. I am no God fearing person, I’m not religious in the popular sense but the analogy is powerful and the task is daunting. In fact the task is so daunting that it’s much preferable to call the problem something else, like Racism, because then we have a villain that is outside ourselves and who doesn’t love a villain outside themselves. This is such a problem because in the process of trying to achieve Justice today, people are using Hate. It doesn’t matter what side you’re on in the fight because you’re not on the side you say you’re on. You’re on the side you act like you’re on. And if you act from Hate or with Hate, you are on that side, with all the others on that side.

The Machinery of Hate. This is what killed George Floyd. And if you want Justice you have to call it by it’s name.

Parenting Tips in Three Parts

This is so funny
because it’s not funny at all
and that’s the root of all great humor!

We (and by “We” I mean humans)
are going to get what want.

Think.

You no longer
have to
survive.

At least no one
reading this
has to
survive.

Think.

How amazing…
we have come so far
as humans
as to not have to worry
about survival.

Every second
every minute
every hour
of human existence
until what…?
100 years ago?
200 years ago?

200 years ago
if you weren’t sowing fields
right now
you wouldn’t eat
and no one would care
beyond using your
situation to motivate
their family to survive
better than yours.

And now
we have created
the space to
think
feel
imagine
grow
explore.

We don’t have to survive
any more.

For now.

Part 2

There are no secrets
great men and woman
have come before
and pioneered
and laid pathways
to the heart and soul
they are clearly marked.

Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone; for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.

Joeseph Campbell

And yet
we turn back
we turn away
we refuse
we point out fingers
we explain
we implore
we demand
we kill
we force
we reject
we proclaim
we know
we shame

In this new world
in this new imagination
in this new potential
we turn
and run
like scared children
screaming
at the dark
when all that’s happened
is that the sun has gone down
and nature has
continued to turn her work.

Like children
we demand it
to be worse
than it is
we demand
that all is lost
we demand
that the pain
is eternal
and separate
from our nature
and from
our magnificence.

We demand
that our stunned
parents believe us
we demand
that all is lost.

We are behaving like
entitled children.

Part 3

What kind of parent
do you want to be?

Because it’s your choice.
You’re making it now.
You can change it.
But the longer you wait
the more pain there will be
and it is possible,
if you want to be the most loving parent
that you will be killed
by your children
and perhaps
then
they
will
see
themselves.

The pain of good parenting
is the hardest pain
the deepest pain
you must sacrifice
everything
and become yourself.

What have you sacrificed?

What Should I Do

I’m not strong enough to be silent.
I’m not strong enough to just do it.

Are you?

Are you strong enough to work hard at life
while life offers you the comfort of the righteous?

Are you strong enough to jump into the ring
when there are so many reasons not to?

I would like to ask you,

What is the answer?

Are you the one who knows?
Or do you know someone…
it should be easy enough to find,
the answer,
I just can’t find anyone right now.

I looked around a while back
and there were answers everywhere
everyone seemed to know
and I thought,

There must be something wrong with me.

A person who doesn’t have an answer

And so I’m asking you,
because I’m concerned for my son
and my family and life
and don’t want there to be more
dead children.

And you seem to know.

So…what do you think?

What should I do?

I Don’t Think You Have What It Takes.

Why would you think it could be different
why the outrage
silly geese
did you think
the bombs that have been raining
for lifetimes
would be forgotten
did you think educational prisons
would be forgotten
did you think, as you played games
on your phone
what your phone cost the world
and who had to pay that cost
did you think as you ate your meals
in your homes
with your electricity
and your recliner
and your refrigeration
and your internet
and your TVs
and your long, luxurious showers…

Did you think about justice
as you’ve been luxuriating?

Do you remember the boy,
face down,
dead.

Do you remember the
dead boy on the beach?
Did you have lunch that day?
Did you go to work that day?
Did you yell at your kid that day?
Did you take a nap that day?
Did you worry about bills that day?
Did you make dinner that day?
Did you talk with friends that day?

Do you remember the dead boy on the beach?

What did you do that day?

Do you remember the naked girl
running and burned and screaming
mouth open
terror
death
raging all around her
she ran naked
towards nothing
away from everything.

If you were alive for that
what did you do when you saw that picture?
Did you go back to schoool?
Did you go out to dinner?
Did you cry,
and then have sex?
Did you take a shower?
Did you read the paper
and agree?

I do not think you are a justice lover.
I think you are a coward
dressed in your caring best
and you don’t even know it.

But you could know it
you could know it
if you really cared about justice
if you really wanted to take the next step

The knowing of your own cowardice
is possible
and the knowing is wisdom
and the way is character
not righteousness.

Stand up for Justice?
I do not think
you have what it takes.

Believe? Humans #1

It doesn’t work
because i’ve seen it before.
i’ve seen in
where have I seen it
where have I seen it…

It’s in me.
It’s all in me.

I’ve seen this violence before
i’ve seen the lying
i’ve seen the fraud
i’ve seen the despair
i’ve seen the slavery
i’ve seen the hatred
i’ve even seen murder

i’ve seen it all
in me.

I’ve explained it
I’ve explained it
I’ve justified
I’ve spoken words
upon words upon words
I’ve said

“I will never do this again”
and made myself a liar the day after
with the injuries to self
and others still fresh
with blood still running.

How can you believe the words of humans

How can you believe the word of any human?

When what is being shouted
is not human
but imagination
desire
want
when what is being shouted
is mist

are you going to build the new world
on mist
again.

I have seen all of this before
and I will see it again.

Are you going to build the new world
on the mist of desperate children
that don’t know what to do?

Or do you have a better idea?

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