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What Should I Do

I’m not strong enough to be silent.
I’m not strong enough to just do it.

Are you?

Are you strong enough to work hard at life
while life offers you the comfort of the righteous?

Are you strong enough to jump into the ring
when there are so many reasons not to?

I would like to ask you,

What is the answer?

Are you the one who knows?
Or do you know someone…
it should be easy enough to find,
the answer,
I just can’t find anyone right now.

I looked around a while back
and there were answers everywhere
everyone seemed to know
and I thought,

There must be something wrong with me.

A person who doesn’t have an answer

And so I’m asking you,
because I’m concerned for my son
and my family and life
and don’t want there to be more
dead children.

And you seem to know.

So…what do you think?

What should I do?

I Don’t Think You Have What It Takes.

Why would you think it could be different
why the outrage
silly geese
did you think
the bombs that have been raining
for lifetimes
would be forgotten
did you think educational prisons
would be forgotten
did you think, as you played games
on your phone
what your phone cost the world
and who had to pay that cost
did you think as you ate your meals
in your homes
with your electricity
and your recliner
and your refrigeration
and your internet
and your TVs
and your long, luxurious showers…

Did you think about justice
as you’ve been luxuriating?

Do you remember the boy,
face down,
dead.

Do you remember the
dead boy on the beach?
Did you have lunch that day?
Did you go to work that day?
Did you yell at your kid that day?
Did you take a nap that day?
Did you worry about bills that day?
Did you make dinner that day?
Did you talk with friends that day?

Do you remember the dead boy on the beach?

What did you do that day?

Do you remember the naked girl
running and burned and screaming
mouth open
terror
death
raging all around her
she ran naked
towards nothing
away from everything.

If you were alive for that
what did you do when you saw that picture?
Did you go back to schoool?
Did you go out to dinner?
Did you cry,
and then have sex?
Did you take a shower?
Did you read the paper
and agree?

I do not think you are a justice lover.
I think you are a coward
dressed in your caring best
and you don’t even know it.

But you could know it
you could know it
if you really cared about justice
if you really wanted to take the next step

The knowing of your own cowardice
is possible
and the knowing is wisdom
and the way is character
not righteousness.

Stand up for Justice?
I do not think
you have what it takes.

Believe? Humans #1

It doesn’t work
because i’ve seen it before.
i’ve seen in
where have I seen it
where have I seen it…

It’s in me.
It’s all in me.

I’ve seen this violence before
i’ve seen the lying
i’ve seen the fraud
i’ve seen the despair
i’ve seen the slavery
i’ve seen the hatred
i’ve even seen murder

i’ve seen it all
in me.

I’ve explained it
I’ve explained it
I’ve justified
I’ve spoken words
upon words upon words
I’ve said

“I will never do this again”
and made myself a liar the day after
with the injuries to self
and others still fresh
with blood still running.

How can you believe the words of humans

How can you believe the word of any human?

When what is being shouted
is not human
but imagination
desire
want
when what is being shouted
is mist

are you going to build the new world
on mist
again.

I have seen all of this before
and I will see it again.

Are you going to build the new world
on the mist of desperate children
that don’t know what to do?

Or do you have a better idea?

The Purpose of the Heart

Maybe a gift…

To be shown
how you do not fit
and to see
you do not fit
and to feel
you do not fit
and to see,
finally,
how underneath
all of your
persuasion
and dancing
and performance
you, so badly,
want to fit.

The pain of it
is of a different quality
of a secret quality
a quality not spoken off,
kept in the dark places
kept at bay
by the performance
of trying to fit
and resenting the trying.

The ebb and flow of the ego
resenting that
which is not of itself
resenting that which
threatens
it’s facaded walls

The ebb and flow of the self
resenting the performance
resenting the denial
of the self
in disbelief.

How can you forgo your natural self
in the face of such primacy
of feeling.

In the face of such knowledge.

How is it,
in the face of such knowledge
and feeling of yourself
and your deepest secrets
you can still
perform
and so desperately
try to fit it
at the cost of everything.

I am so heartbroken of myself
so heartbroken.

But I am not lost.
No.

After all, as the wise woman says,
what else is a heart for?

Silly Goose

Life. The life we live today, we call it “normal”. We call it normal because we don’t know anything else. We call it normal because…why?

Why?

What we really mean, when we say “normal” is “recognized” or even better, “familiar”. Normal is more scientifically appropriate. Normal is a word to describe processes and to measure. When a human describes another human or a human situation as normal, it’s like using the zoom lense of life to focus the circle of experience that human can have.

What if the culture we’re living is sheer terror, sheer horror, sheer destruction – but not the terror, horror and destruction we’re shown on TV and in movies and video games. What if it’s the kind of destruction dressed up as love, and caring, and compassion and justice.

And what if we call that, “normal”.

What’s got me thinking about this is all the conspiracy talk in general, up and down the spectrum (and that’s what the conspiracy talk is, it’s a spectrum of the same experience, the different sides of the same coin. It’s basically like the frog halfway down the mouth of the crane, with it’s “hands” grasping the crane’s neck so it can’t swallow. These things are only different flavors of denial). Who gets to decide the base from which to make a judgement?

Who gets to decide the base from which to make a judgement and what are the things, specifically, that go into creating that base? Is it what’s “normal”? Is it God? I mean, what else could it be, if it’s not “normal” or God that is the foundation for creating a base from which to then make judgements on the world.

Silly fucking geese! Silly Silly Silly fucking geese.

I was one of these geese. In fact I’m probably still more goose than human…but I’m working on it.

I don’t want to be a Silly Goose for the rest of my life, and neither should you.

The World’s Greatest Problem

I overheard a conversation between an authority figure and a child today and a lot of how we’re doing this Pandemic thing became clear. You see I’m a child, a child at heart and sometimes a child of the mind and body. I mean, I’m an adult but I’ve worked hard to keep a child like perspective on some things and I’ve worked hard to keep a childish perspective on some things.

On of the things I love about my child like perspecitve is how much joy and beauty I find in life and, how much fun. It’s not always easy but I’ve managed to keep it, strong and youthful, barefooted, sometimes naked, eating with my hands, laying in the grass, being amazed and being sweet.

But I am no child. A child doesn’t have to try to be a child. A child doesn’t have to keep anything alive, at least that’s the hope, because a child is naturally amazed, naturally joyful and present and full of live. Because a child hasn’t been taught, yet, that there are things he or she should fear so deeply that they put their amazement away for cynicism, complaints, misery and conflict (to name a few), like us adults.

So what did I hear today? I heard what is wrong with the world in a single sentence.

What’s the silver lining for you during this Covid-19

That’s is. That was the sentence. And it struck me…why…what causes the need to find a silver lining? Well, a shitty lining, of course. You can’t search for a silver lining if you’re not in the midst of a shitting lining. People who are in the silver lining don’t search for more silver. You have to be unhappy with your current situation if you’re creating the opportunity for a silver lining.

And this is what we, us adults, are doing to and for our kids. We’re assuming, for them, that their lives are shitty and we’re suggesting, based on that assumption, that they try to find something better.

I’m going to come back to to this in a moment, but first I’d ask that you take a moment and think and feel about your kids. Remember their birthday, how that day you became so much more full as a human. Remember how perfect they were (and still are). Remember how you saw and wanted nothing but goodness and love and joy for them in their lives. Can you think of your kids that way?

Now think what you would do and how you would feel if you knew someone was forcing your kids to learn about misery, teaching them how to to focus on negativity, guiding them to disregard their own feelings about life and replace them with feelings of a scared, overwhelmed, stressed out, adult.

What if that adult if you?

Kids are creatures of the present. Everytime we encourage them to abstract we’re encouraging them to get out of the present moment and enter the world of the mind. There is a time and place for this, obviously it’s good if a human learns how to use their mind, but be careful when they are young. Be careful of how you want them to use their mind. Be careful what you feed them, especially if it feels right, to you.

What we do when we assume that our kids are confused and scared and stressed, like us, is that we teach them to be that way. We open up doors to them, we show them how and we are very good teachers, because we’ve been doing it all our lives.

A kid isn’t thinking what we’re thinking. A kid doesn’t understand a global pandemic. A kid isn’t struggling with school being closed…or having more time to play or stay up late, or have less rules or eat more of what they like…A kid is psyched that there’s no more school, and completely pysched about all the other things that come. And stop reading if you’re sensitive, but if your kids isn’t psyched, they’re probably lying or you’ve already embedded your negative assumptions into their fertile little brains.

That’s rough. But you don’t have to keep doing it. And please, don’t keep doing it. Don’t keep leading your child to see the way you see the world, encourage them to be themselves and have enough courage to allow their nurturing gaze and their joy for life, rule, uninhibited and let it wash over your own fear and displeasure. Our children should not learn displeasure from us, they will learn it plenty from the world. You would not want someone to teach your child how to be afraid, especially if they are not, so do not be the someone who teaches fear to children.

The Reckoning

A friend called
he’s not good
stuck in life
the merry go round
has brought him around again
to where he started
when he was furthest away
he thought he was happy
but as the giant wheel
spun him back
before he knew where
he would end up
his ego began to fight
because it knew
where he was headed

back…
back to reckonning
back to self
back to soul
sitting in the chair
exactly as he was left
so many years ago
he sits, his soul
and knows
the ego will have to
come back to face him
and the ego
and the soul
are not sympatico

That’s the point
the beautiful perfection
of the merry go round
it will go around
it will take you away
the soul will not
go with you
unless properly invited
and if not,
the soul will sit,
knowing
waiting
persisting
patient
being
the soul will wait
and without the soul
the trip out and back
on the merry go round
is full of treats and temptations
all borrowed
all borrowed
and the ego will consume
and consume
and the ego won’t
believe
it’s not getting caught
and at the same time
the ego will know
it’s caught
but there are no immediate
effects
and so the consuming
continues
and the merry go round
swings round
reaches it’s zenith
and begins to come
back home
the ego knows this
return
and celebrates
like an ego would
by consuming more
by becoming manic
and full
all to forget
about the reckoning
the unavoidable reckoning.

The good thing
is the ego’s power
is not real
if you don’t want it to be
and so, if you want,
after some time has gone
and you’ve been out
and come back
you can, if you want
put the ego down
and invite the soul
the ego will fight
and it will feel like
it’s the end of the world
but it’s not.

It’s the beginning.

The First A.I. Is Culture

So many questions
like a waterfall
there, here, gone
pouring over
spreading out
sinking in
flowing to the sea.

We humans,
we realized we were mortal
and we simply couldn’t manage
the duality
of sure life
and sure death
what was the point
if we could recognize
it would all end.

And so
we created culture
and morality
to keep our minds off
the more serious things
and then,
fucking culture…
it took hold.

What started out as
a reaction to avoid
the expanse of eternity
became the opposite
became solid
and visible
and logical
and heavy
and hard
and it began to turn over
on itself,
this
Culture
and it began to create.

The first real AI is Culture.

There is an Answer

What do you do with your pain?

Some make laws
others dance in the rain
some cry and tuck away
allowing the day
to go by
some sing with such pain
the music drips
and soaks your soul
some yell
and some hit
some murder
some plan
some fight
some forget
some work harder
some stand

You know you have pain…don’t you?
you know it’s there, right
underneath and down deep
underneath your habits
underneath your hate
underneath your rules
underneath your god
underneath your temper
underneath the sod
of your life
that’s grown green grass
and killed the wild flowers
that’s kept you at it
for hours and hours
and hours and hours
that’s kept you at the
grind and work
that’s kept you locked
face first in the dirt

My god.

The answers are not outside us.
The answers are not outside us.
The answers are not outside us.
The answers are not outside us.
The answers are not outside us.
The answers are not outside us.

My god.

The answers are not outside us.

The Vermont Game

Are you happy with your life? Have you asked yourself this question? Do you dare ask? I didn’t start asking myself this question until I was about 48. Really daring myself to look, past all my stereotypes and habits, underneath my fully conditioned pride and way beyond what anyone else wanted me to see.

And now that I’m done asking, I’m listening. Listening to myself, daring to listen because there are answers deep below that are not extinct, just buried. And now that the hamsterwheel has stopped and I’ve gotten my footing, I feel like I never want to go back. It’s just a feeling. It’s not based in any logic but it’s also not based in any fear. It’s just how I feel and I’m paying attention to it.

So enough of the philosophizing, for now, anyway. Well, one more thing…don’t let the non-storytellers tell you how to tell your stories. Your stories, for some, are all you have and they matter and if you pretend you’re not a good story teller, but you are or want to be, you’re selling yourself way short. Tell your stories everyone, tell your stories.

I have a story for you, actually it’s more of a game

It’s a game about an experiment. It’s actually a play along…it requires crowd participation, like one of those murder mystery dinners or escape room escapades. You all think you know better, to some extent, than, say, Governor Scott about how to run the State of Vermont, right? Don’t lie. If you’ve ever complained once about State Government or Federal Government, you think you can do it better.

Ok here’s the story.

You are the leader of Vermont – whatever that means for you. You have control of the purse strings, you get to dictate where things are spent, how they’re spent, who spends them and so on. You have to hire people to get the job done, you can’t do it all yourself but you have free reign to hire anyone you want, as long as it’s legal in the current system.

Now this isn’t about really getting into the nitty gritty, it’s more of a feel thing, it’s more of a yes or no question with some possible developments for some of you that want to go further.

So we need to give you a budget and you need to think about what you imagine the biggest challenges are in Vermont. What needs help, what’s good, in your opinion only…visualize it, think about it as much as you can. What’s your top 5? Ok, got it?

Ok.

Your budget to get the people in the places you need to solve or address whatever you think are the most pressing issues…is…

$275,000,000
Two Hundred and Seventy-Five Million Dollars.

The question’s are:

1-Is this enough to address the problems you feel we need to address

2-Is this not enough

3-Is this too much

I have to know so please don’t keep me waiting. Play! – simple and then I’ll tell everyone who played the answers and you can see how you did!

Ok – have fun – thanks for reading.

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