Miss You Baby

It’s been a while
but not too long
never too long.

I am in unfamiliar territory. All that I have grasped and clung to and celebrated, gone like mist from an October morning. What’s left isn’t clear blue skies, or maybe it is but either way, I am unfamiliar. The problem with being unfamiliar is that she is no longer there to make it ok.

She was my why. No matter how hard I tried. And how hard she tried.

And now, I realize, I was always unfamiliar.

But I think that life is good. It’s a core belief, a first principle and it makes it very difficult to suffer. But I do. I’m strong in that way. I demand my suffering and I get what I deserve. So all of this chaos and confusion, this loss – breathing sadness, it’s all real, it’s all forever and I just don’t know what to do.

I am wounded. Run through. I just want everything to be alright, but it’s not. I am not alright.

Don’t call me though. For the love of god. Don’t call me.