Be Angry

There’s only, ever, been, one way back
and that is to turn
face
and meet with all the deferred passion
the thing
that has been nipping at your heals
ruining your slumber
allied with your silence
home to your smallness…

be angry.

Be Angry,
you will need it
because the walls you’ve built are strong
and the fog is thick
and plenty of monsters abound
and you will be devoured
in silent forgetting
if you are not angry
and that is why you are so lost
because you have meant to be
and so you are.

Be Angry.
Do not be lost.

A Conversation

I want to have a conversation because coversation is a good and real alternative to violence and because I want to contribute in a way that is non-violent and effective. The conversation wants to be about how to live together. It wants to be about how to live together better than we are now. It wants to be about life and the essence of life and what makes us human and what we want to pass on to our children and the the children of the world. It wants to be about leaving the world better than I found it. It means scratching the itch at the bottom of my soul, it means looking inward rather than outword for adventure and results. It means stretching and breaking the bonds of culture, society, tradition so that you can be free to experience them from the First Principle of self.

I think, therefor I am. I breathe, therefor I am.

There are many obstacles. Many stages. Each stage with it’s own legitimate fear and destruction and rebirth. Some obstacles are reason, logic and intelligence. The antidote to this obstacle is poetry and non-possesive beauty.

Rilke says to ask yourself what you cannot live without, he asks, “Ask if you must write” and if the answer at the bottom of the question is “yes”, begin to make your whole life about this with no concern for the reason, logic or intelligence of any of it. I see it as an honesty and faith in the First Principle of Self: That you are a being who has gifts that are more important than any other thing in your life and that your life is the consequence of your choices to live in or out of concert with those gifts.

I have been searching for these gifts since I was 24, I’ve been aware of them since I was 9 when I didn’t see them as gifts. I didn’t see them but I experienced them and maybe that’s why my life was so terrifying at times, because I experienced my gifts without seeing them.

My god, we are powerful creatures.

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Claim What Is Yours

Why force it?
Because if you don’t it won’t happen!

What if that’s not true?
What if it will happen,
no matter what you do.
Or
it won’t
no matter what you do.

Back to being…
Back to being
is where I want to be
being.

So look now, my son, look deeply and gently
like Rilke would ask.

Be appreciative.

Look painfully and horribly
like Nietzsche would ask.

Be brutal.

Be Brutal
Be Appreciative
and claim what is yours.

The Good Life

The machinery is all connected
but it’s not the same.
Life exists on different planes
but you remain.

The mystery is at the transition
the points where ideas become actions
become thoughts
become feelings
become ideas
become thoughts
become feelings
become actions.

The key to a good life
Is being willfully uncomfortable.

Relevance

I don’t think I’m ready.
But truly, that’s irrelevant.

So I believe my irrelevance
and make it relevant.

I make myself irrelevant.

Neat Freaks

It’s messy.

It’s not like in the movies
in the fantastic entrails
of excitement
and achievement.

It’s messy.
And.
It’s not what you think.

That’s probably why it’s messy.
And.
It’s always messy.

That’s why neat freaks…
Freak me out.

What are those mother fuckers hiding?

Yearning For Integrity

I yearn
without it
there is no life.

Life yearns
until death
and the yearning stops.

Integrity is acting and speaking
in concert with
your beliefs.

If you’ve lived a life
out of integrity
with one or more
akimbo
you can shake off your life
like a dog shakes water
by getting into
integrity.

Focused On The Sound

When things are unimaginable
and yet there you are
when truth and love seem further
than the furthest star
and all your imaginations
and stories that you’ve told
have cracked and fallen down in pieces
and you see the glitter wasn’t gold
so there you sit
in the cold and grey
but you are not alone
not everyone shares your day
you are not alone.

But sometimes what you realize
was underneath the rubble
is more valuable than you realized
but is it worth the trouble?

But there are other pathways
and there are other truths
I don’t know if they are deeper
I don’t know if they have use
but I know when the facades
come crashing to the ground
you find yourself surrounded
by the rubble of your sound
and by the sound of all the pieces
crashing to the ground
and I don’t know what’s to come
because it is so loud
and because right now I’m only
focused on the sound.

I am Wolverine

My son and I play Fortnite. For those of you who only know the name, you’re missing something huge.

It’s not that you have to play or have to like it or anything like that but it’s an important thing, Fortnite, to know about. It’s important if you have kids because most likely, even if they’re not playing, they are being socialized around it because all their friends are playing. It’s important to know even if you don’t have kids because it’s (or something similar) probably a top 5 social influencer for the next generation.

But that’s a different conversation and one that can be had. I’m here to talk about being Wolverine so that’s what I’m gonna do. In the meantime google Fortnite and do a little research.

Wolverine, the Marvel character who has the claws that come out of his knuckles, can also heal himself. The orgins aren’t what I’m talking about here, suffice it to say that Wolverine has the ability to heal his body from any trauma.

He also happens to be be one of the characters in the newest “Season” of Fortnite, along with She-Hulk, Mystique, Antman, Captain America, Iron Man, Dr. Doom, Groot and a few more. Bottom line, kids are being introduced to these “Super Heroes” not through comic books, but through deeply integrated video game worlds, like Fortnite.

So my son knows about Wolverine. We’ve spent some time trying to eliminate the beast in the game and getting our butts kicked because, well, Wolverine heals himself. So if you don’t continue the assault consistently, he will build his health back and come to slice you and dice you. There’s been many “God Dammit” moments when battling inside the game with The Wolverine.

Ok so let’s transition now.

I slammed my finger, my left ring finger, right on the nail, about 2 months ago. It hurt and immediately turned black and blue under the nail. It started back, close to the cuticle, so the base of my nail was black and blue and the tip of the nail was still the regular nail color.

I never noticed how much people noticed things, hmmm. And for the next few months I had endless comments about my finger. “ooh, what happened?”, “ewww, gross!”, “Oh man you have to fix that!”…and all sorts of comments basically proclaiming that there was something wrong with my finger and, with me for not doing more for my finger.

Well, there was something wrong with my finger. I had hurt it and so it was looking hurt.

I began to notice my Wolverine like qualities as the blue/black patch began to move up my nail towards the tip. I began to notice the color of my nail at the cuticle was returning to nail color and the patch was now in the middle of my nail. More people commented and told me I should have it looked at, should get it taken care of, that it was an injury.

I thought to myself…I’m pretty sure this is what it looks like when the body heals itself. And, yes, it’s true. My body was (and still is) healing itself and it’s the most beautiful, powerful and visually engaging (read disgusting looking) process but man do I feel luck to be a part of it. I’ve wondered what would have happened if I went to “get it fixed” or if I tried to “fix it myself”.

Are there times when you need to get yourself fixed? Obvi! Can medicine be good, obvi! Not the point.

The point is:

I AM WOLVERINE!
and so are you…so before you go “fixing” every last thing, if life gives you a chance to witness your own Wolverine, let it be and watch and appreciate your own superpower. You have a superpower. You CAN heal yourself and it’s a real gift to witness.

You are Wolverine!

Facing Hate

The world isn’t ready to have some conversations.
so…fine…
leave them behind
leave them in the dark
but then…
how do you not let
the dark
win?

What do you do
when faced with hate.
I feel embarrassed
as soon as I ask the question.

As if people haven’t been dealing with that for all time.
As if people haven’t shown the answer
As if people haven’t paid with their lives
As if I don’t know,
and therein lies my coward…
as if I don’t know…

Campbell says:
“The Labyrinth is fully known”

What do you do when faced with hate?
You hide
or
You stand and face it.

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