It’s that time of year again and based on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown, I will, again, celebrate my birthday! Something that used to be uncomfortable and that I even rejected, is now an important part of my life. It’s an easy ask also, if you’re wondering…

Now I’m not saying you may have a problem celebrating YOU…but if you happen to be one of the few people who answers “nothing” when asked what they want for their birthday or if you are averse to anyone throwing you a party or you’d rather just keep things quiet, even though you secretly count your Facebook messages…if you’re one of these types, well I can relate. I think men in general relate more to this, more to “quiet desperation” part…more to the “stoic”. It’s not ok to celebrate yourself. Don’t fucking do it! Be a man!

I agree. That’s how the world teaches. But I took these classes a while back, lived in this community a while back, where I learned how deceptively anti-human that viewpoint was. Now anti-human is a strong term so I hope you don’t overreact and “overreact” is a strong term so I hope you can remain open and “open” is an ambigous term so I hope…aw shucks…

I would never tell my five year old son that he can”t have a birthday party. I would never do anything for my boy or any child on their birthday that didn’t celebrate them in the most overt, loud, happy, cake filled, adventurous way possible. Can you imagine? And yet…

And yet I used to do this to myself on the regular. How in the hell does that happen? I mean we all kind of know how it happens. The weight of responsability the passing on of behavior, the shame of the celebration of yourself, the shame of happiness.

The shame of happiness.

In this regard, thank goodness for Women. On this day, the beginning of the 54th trip around the sun, I’m happy and grateful for all the joy I have in my life. It’s intermingled with sadness and pain, in fact I’m pretty sure the ingredients for joy include those things, and I’m grateful for our other human half, women. I think women help men to be happy, they at least give us the chance. They give us the chance because they, themselves make space in the world and their world, for happiness, for celebration and not just any celebration (men can celebrate) but the celebration of the self and I’ve learned after all this time, that the celebration of the self is as natural as breathing and if something is that natural, all sorts of problems come up if you pretend it’s not or try to make it bad or do anything that doesn’t recognize the fundamental nature.

Happy birthday to me. I miss you sweetheart. Thank you for everything you gave and continue to give. Thank you for our beautiful boy. I will see you again, in time. My love!