Words without Love
in a garden
of broken glass
love without love
is worse evenstill
our poisonous pill.
All my love
All my love
I shill and I shill.
Words without Love
is a terrible
The world isn’t ready to have some conversations.
leave them behind
leave them in the dark
how do you not let
What do you do
when faced with hate.
I feel embarrassed
as soon as I ask the question.
As if people haven’t been dealing with that for all time.
As if people haven’t shown the answer
As if people haven’t paid with their lives
As if I don’t know,
and therein lies my coward…
as if I don’t know…
“The Labyrinth is fully known”
What do you do when faced with hate?
You stand and face it.
I think I’ve found my coward
he’s been there quite some time
avoiding all perception
wishing on passing time.
It’s strange to feel his strength
it’s strange that he’s so strong
I always thought that he was weak
I never knew that I was wrong.
But there he is, a superhero
taking up all the space
telling me how important he is
telling me to give up the race.
He tells such tales of pain to come
he has such dire warnings
he rings alarms and blares the klaxons
from night until the morning.
He’s been hiding behind his best friend
the one that I call pride
and the two make quite a pair
when you put them side by side.
Pride is more the devil
because he does the devil’s work
he keeps me blind, infects my mind
and plays a trick on my self worth.
But when the pride is busted
and the facade falls to the ground
and you are left stark naked
the coward comes around.
He reminds me of my youth
before I created pride
of a time I was so scared
I just wanted to run and hide.
I was a little boy
so bright and fresh for the day
and all I wanted in my life
was to play and play and play.
I didn’t want to save the world
I didn’t want to stand up tall
I didn’t want to do “the right thing”
or anything at all.
What I wanted was to run and yell
And jump and play and shout
what I wanted was to live in life
having fun without a doubt.
And, I suppose, that’s the best of childhood
to build a foundation out of joy
of living life without the worry
oh, to be a boy.
But that is not how life is.
That is not the way of our society
That is not the way of the adult
Worry is our joy
Punishment is our cult.
And the little boy believes this
he believes what he’s been told
he has nothing else to go against
what his parents say is gold.
And that little boy must face it
in a shocking and dreadful way
he must face the worry and the blame
and do what his parents say.
And when he does, and no one’s trained him.
the little boy, he is not strong,
He’s soft and understanding
when the first hit, it comes along.
And of course he is a coward
even if he strikes back
because fighting back is not the issue
it’s that he was attacked.
It’s that the worlds not safe
the world he thought he knew
he can’t make sense, he doesn’t see
beyond the pain, so new.
So the little boy, he pulls back
not fully, not for now
he’s staggered and now shaded
by the darkness that’s come down.
And more attacks will come
he doesn’t take them on the surface
his little heart gets battered
and he’s introduced to worthless.
And so the boy, without his knowledge
begins to build a wall
he thinks he can protect his heart
and thus begins the fall.
So up it goes, and that’s the pride
just trying to feel safe
the boy was young, decades to come
as he joined the human race.
The wall grew strong
and the coward stood behind it
coward was the boys young hurt
he might not ever find it.
Life’s not static, decisions made
the boys wall is now a fortress
when you turn away from your heart
you turn away from your purpose.
A boys pride knows this but the boy does not
and the pride becomes the purpose
and the world is made by many men
who teach this on the surface.
And the surface becomes the purpose
and the purpose becomes the fortress
and the boys are lost and the men are weak
and pride rules the day on purpose.
But there are times
when the heart does speak
and loud enough to be heard
even if it’s been walled up
even if it’s been ignored.
There are times because it must be
that the walls they start to crumble
or maybe they’re shot down completely
and the man begins to humble.
And when that happens, through the fog
and the rubble of the years
the man can see the coward
through the veil of his young tears.
And the man can see the truth
maybe the first since he’s a boy
the man can see the coward
is just pain that leads back to joy.
Nothing is as it seems
except the pain of being human
everything’s a dream
except the joy that is illumined
And when the walls come down
and the heart is on display
it’s clear the heart is starving
to be with the man today.
So if you one day have
a terrible attack
and walls begin to shatter
facades begin to crack
and you can feel the pain, again
of youth and innocence
and you begin to feel the pain, again
of the original violence
you might see the Coward is me,
my boyish heart, it all makes sense.
He’s a boy
that love was pain
and soul betrayal
not for evil or for bad
but because we are so frail
we know nothing of it
and why should we
when we’ve been taught
that there is so much above it.
Oh my god, my boyish heart
it’s good to see you once again,
I’ll do better,
I know better,
I’ll be a better friend.
Pride has served it’s purpose
now it’s courage time,
maybe courage IS my heart
I think that I was blind.
But my heart it does not punish me
only welcomes me back home
it would sit forever
if I chose, again, to roam
and wear a patient smile
because it knows I’m not alone.
As I remove the blocks
and wet slabs of earth
that have shielded me
from my flame
I feel cold
But there my flame is.
There it is.
Burning, bright and hot
There’s so much ripeness. I’ve picked a bunch of “fruit” and now it’s to create something beautiful and delicious before it rots. I will be touching back on these writings for as long as the fruit remains ripe. I would love and appreciate your thougts and feelings on whatever topic moves you.
- Can “Vermont” Lead Us?
- Guilt and Shame are Flavors Not Food
- Courageous Parenting
- Why I Love Monuments
- If You Haven’t Changed, Why Do You Expect Others To Have Changed?
- Advice To Black People
- The Real War Is Coming
- We’re Always Fighting The State
- I’m a Racist Heathen and It’s My World
Can “Vermont” Lead Us?
The Brave Little State speech is like a lifeline today, a lifeline that has been under assault, known or not, by our political apparatus which are not completely but overwhelmingly driven by financial desires. “Vermont” can lead us…
I love Vermont because of her hills and valleys, her scenery and invigorating climate, but most of all because of her indomitable people. They are a race of pioneers who have almost beggared themselves to serve others. If the spirit of liberty should vanish in other parts of the Union, and support of our institutions should languish, it could all be replenished from the generous store held by the people of this brave little state of Vermont.Calvin Coolidge, 1928 “Brave Little State”
Guilt and Shame are Flavors Not Food
Making decisions because of guilt or shame is following a sociopathic morality and a lot of “normal” people are doing that.
There’s no getting it right but there is getting it wrong. In fact sometimes the only way we can find our way is by continuously getting it wrong, seeing it’s wrong and making an adjustment to a lesser wrong. Courageous parenting is getting it less wrong. But this is very hard, next to impossible in the social systems we’ve created, and it would be very hard to do without support of a community who believe as you, even if it’s a tiny community.
Why I Love Monuments
Someone, generally before we were alive, wanted us to remember something. They wanted us to remember so much that they built great structures that took great resources and even lives. What did they want us to remember and why is it important to remember?
If You Haven’t Changed, Why Do You Expect Others To Have Changed?
Have you changed your beliefs? Or have you just gotten more familiar with what you believe and more invested? Can you see the futility of thinking others should change if you haven’t? It’s pretty easy to see what’s coming when you look at the consistency of how people behave. Until that consistency is broken, nothing will change in the way we want it to.
It’s crazy, right? It’s like everyone thinks they just got the new information that will finally convince everyone else who’ve been adamantly opposed to finally agree. What the hell is that about? Have you noticed that the arguements have only changed content? Yes, and now everyone’s adding the condecension into their posts to reflect that not only are you, as the one holding the opposing viewpoint, wrong in your viewpoint but you are also of lesser intelligence and moral character than “I” and “I” will be sure you know that (because making sure people who you disagree with feel morally and intellectually inferior is a sure sign of the moral high ground).
It’s really basic in some ways. We have an important bunch of things to talk about. People are listening and people care but there’s a very vocal and fairly large group of people who have proclaimed, with no evidence whatsoever, that THEY are the authority on what is good and bad. These folks haven’t changed, they feel more like themselves than ever and that’s the most terrifying thing because while many people have taken this #GreatPause to to painful, introspective work, to deepen their understanding of how we are all connected, how our mutual actions and mutual behavior matters, as we seek towards justice in the world.
It’s really basic but some just don’t get it. If you’re behaving in a cruel, oppressive, violent, hateful way towards others, if you are belittling, shaming or using fear to motivate others (or yourselves) you cannot achieve Justice for anyone. But you will achieve something, it might be a different form of Justice for yourself but it won’t be the Justice you seek.
Are you the type that uses these strategies to try to convince others of your own moral standing? Are you the type that says it’s ok to shame people into changing their viewpoints and then call that progress? Are you the type to behave in a hateful way towards others on your question to achieve a less violent society for people? Time to take a hard freaking look in the mirror if you are and if you’re not sure, just go back over your social media posts, take a look at who you are in that realm and you’ll have your answer.
Advice To Black People
Black Power and if you really want justice, how to talk to white people (Capitalization intended exactly as is).
The Real War Is Coming
when you focus on differences, war is inevitable because you can always find differences. The biggest difference in our existence is not skin color or money, it’s what we are familiar with as The Male and what we are unfamiliar which is known as the “Female” but is more accurately described as the “Non-Male”.
We’re Always Fighting The State
“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people he didn’t exist”.
How “The State” must have chaos because without it, what would be it’s job and how this creates a false belief that the State is the authority on human rights and the only grantor and we are driven so insane by this belief that we sit silent in our humanity while screaming at the top of our lungs that we have not been granted something that is impossible to grant and when the impossiblity is then bestowed on us, we find no joy because joy is not possible with false grantings and meanwhile the thing we truly want has been forgotten or distracted from and the state of that thing, the truly important thing has become more jeapordized than it was before we undertook to have it’s solution granted to us.
The State is rule. It is designed to create and enforce rules. It’s not designed to promote humanity, it can’t because the State has only one mechanism for change, force. We have fallen so far away from an appropriate State entity that there should be no arguement for increased State anything!
Look at how we are all running around arguing with each other, screaming and yelling and fighting for things that cannot be granted. We cannot grant justice, we cannot grant equality, we cannot grant peace, we cannot grant these things and yet not only do we try to have them granted to us, we have creates a behemoth, the State, that takes our money on top of not being able to grant us the things we most dearly want.
Arguements about this are low hanging fruit and can be summed up simply by taking the example of the “Civil Rights Movement” of the 60’s where the illusion that a State Mechanism could some how grant civility to a person was played out in full. This is the Devil convincing the people he doesn’t exist. How did we come to believe, in the first place, that a State, could grant us our humanity? How was this initial tricked played on us and how did we buy into that so completely that people have died and killed to achieve not only the unachievable but to also poison their own sense of morality and to then feed that poison to the next generation?
My arguement is that we have died and killed, sacrificed and suffered for the fantasy that The State can somehow save us, save our humanity or be the primary driver of a humane life and worse, yes, worse we have not only suffered great pains and death to uphold this fantasy but worse we refuse the messages of our soul and from our children. We refuse to hear the messages of our children. Before we let them speak, before we hear them…we inform them, we inject them with this poison fantasy that is ours alone and we do this in action well before we speak it and because our children are the most effective learning machines and pattern machines they pick it up almost immediately and with nothing in place to interrupt the base assumption that they are not good enough and that they must seek the approval of the the State (Authority) to validate their goodness, a goodness and righetousness that we demonstrate can only be granted from above, we poison our children, we ensure the cycle of war.
Whether we want to see it or not, people are not the enemy of people. The State can be an enemy of people and in most cases, maybe all cases, it is, if you must find an enemy. If you must find a fight and maybe we must, let the fight be against the State. If we must tame and topple and demand and threaten, let it be against a State that seeks to make us believe we need it in a way that it must be inserted into every aspect of our lives. We do not need it. The State is like technology, it’s our bitch, we use it, not the other way around.
I’m a Racist Heathen and It’s My World
What is all this arguing about
Crazy white people
Crazy black people
I overheard a conversation between an authority figure and a child today and a lot of how we’re doing this Pandemic thing became clear. You see I’m a child, a child at heart and sometimes a child of the mind and body. I mean, I’m an adult but I’ve worked hard to keep a child like perspective on some things and I’ve worked hard to keep a childish perspective on some things.
On of the things I love about my child like perspecitve is how much joy and beauty I find in life and, how much fun. It’s not always easy but I’ve managed to keep it, strong and youthful, barefooted, sometimes naked, eating with my hands, laying in the grass, being amazed and being sweet.
But I am no child. A child doesn’t have to try to be a child. A child doesn’t have to keep anything alive, at least that’s the hope, because a child is naturally amazed, naturally joyful and present and full of live. Because a child hasn’t been taught, yet, that there are things he or she should fear so deeply that they put their amazement away for cynicism, complaints, misery and conflict (to name a few), like us adults.
So what did I hear today? I heard what is wrong with the world in a single sentence.
What’s the silver lining for you during this Covid-19
That’s is. That was the sentence. And it struck me…why…what causes the need to find a silver lining? Well, a shitty lining, of course. You can’t search for a silver lining if you’re not in the midst of a shitting lining. People who are in the silver lining don’t search for more silver. You have to be unhappy with your current situation if you’re creating the opportunity for a silver lining.
And this is what we, us adults, are doing to and for our kids. We’re assuming, for them, that their lives are shitty and we’re suggesting, based on that assumption, that they try to find something better.
I’m going to come back to to this in a moment, but first I’d ask that you take a moment and think and feel about your kids. Remember their birthday, how that day you became so much more full as a human. Remember how perfect they were (and still are). Remember how you saw and wanted nothing but goodness and love and joy for them in their lives. Can you think of your kids that way?
Now think what you would do and how you would feel if you knew someone was forcing your kids to learn about misery, teaching them how to to focus on negativity, guiding them to disregard their own feelings about life and replace them with feelings of a scared, overwhelmed, stressed out, adult.
What if that adult if you?
Kids are creatures of the present. Everytime we encourage them to abstract we’re encouraging them to get out of the present moment and enter the world of the mind. There is a time and place for this, obviously it’s good if a human learns how to use their mind, but be careful when they are young. Be careful of how you want them to use their mind. Be careful what you feed them, especially if it feels right, to you.
What we do when we assume that our kids are confused and scared and stressed, like us, is that we teach them to be that way. We open up doors to them, we show them how and we are very good teachers, because we’ve been doing it all our lives.
A kid isn’t thinking what we’re thinking. A kid doesn’t understand a global pandemic. A kid isn’t struggling with school being closed…or having more time to play or stay up late, or have less rules or eat more of what they like…A kid is psyched that there’s no more school, and completely pysched about all the other things that come. And stop reading if you’re sensitive, but if your kids isn’t psyched, they’re probably lying or you’ve already embedded your negative assumptions into their fertile little brains.
That’s rough. But you don’t have to keep doing it. And please, don’t keep doing it. Don’t keep leading your child to see the way you see the world, encourage them to be themselves and have enough courage to allow their nurturing gaze and their joy for life, rule, uninhibited and let it wash over your own fear and displeasure. Our children should not learn displeasure from us, they will learn it plenty from the world. You would not want someone to teach your child how to be afraid, especially if they are not, so do not be the someone who teaches fear to children.
A friend called
he’s not good
stuck in life
the merry go round
has brought him around again
to where he started
when he was furthest away
he thought he was happy
but as the giant wheel
spun him back
before he knew where
he would end up
his ego began to fight
because it knew
where he was headed
back to reckonning
back to self
back to soul
sitting in the chair
exactly as he was left
so many years ago
he sits, his soul
the ego will have to
come back to face him
and the ego
and the soul
are not sympatico
That’s the point
the beautiful perfection
of the merry go round
it will go around
it will take you away
the soul will not
go with you
unless properly invited
and if not,
the soul will sit,
the soul will wait
and without the soul
the trip out and back
on the merry go round
is full of treats and temptations
and the ego will consume
and the ego won’t
it’s not getting caught
and at the same time
the ego will know
but there are no immediate
and so the consuming
and the merry go round
reaches it’s zenith
and begins to come
the ego knows this
like an ego would
by consuming more
by becoming manic
all to forget
about the reckoning
the unavoidable reckoning.
The good thing
is the ego’s power
is not real
if you don’t want it to be
and so, if you want,
after some time has gone
and you’ve been out
and come back
you can, if you want
put the ego down
and invite the soul
the ego will fight
and it will feel like
it’s the end of the world
but it’s not.
It’s the beginning.
I go forth
full of pain and
aware of the fear
lapping at my feet
but I am equipped
I am whole
and accept life
and I walk
and if white caps appear
and put that tumult
in it’s proper container
the container is heavy
and it’s a burden to carry
but I carry it
it does not carry me
and I go forther
full of pain
and aware of the fear
lapping at my feat
but I am equipped
I am whole
and accept life
and I walk
Each step taken
level and open
is a step in joy
joy is not free of pain
but, instead, full
and all life has.
and I walk.
Don’t tell me about being cowardly. I know it. Been there, done that! I’m just grateful that I have some good friends around me that value me enough to check me and challenge me if they see me behaving in a cowardly manner. I’m also grateful for having done enough work on myself that I’m aware, at least at times, that I behave like a coward, so that I can change. Good for me, good for everyone.
Oh, you don’t think this add is cowardly? Ooops, my bad.
Do the men in your life matter to you? Even if they’ve been so well trained that they don’t realize they matter and instead become parrots to the popular un-examined dialogue. Is that what you want? A Parrot? Because that’s what you’re creating and when I say “you’re” I mean the Royal “You’re”. The “You’re” that includes anyone who thinks that this add is a net positive rather than a net negative.
This Gillette add, this single example in a sea of sentiment about how Toxic Masculinity is the real problem, is a net negative, which means it’s actually the thing that is toxic. Yes. The message that Masculinity is toxic, is actually the real toxin. And if you’re supporting that message, you are spreading the toxicity.
You don’t have to believe me. But if you have a son or daughter who you care about, I challenge you to challenge yourself to find the real toxicity so that it can be addressed and so that healing and change can occur. Of course you have to want change and healing to occur, rather than primal punishment.
No, you say. It’s Toxic Masculinity that’s the problem! Not interested in examining what that means for your sons and daughters. Ok. It’s your life and your burden to pass to your kids. But to the strong women and solid men, to the courageous ones, to the ones who know there’s something deeply and fundamentally wrong with this message:
You’re Not Alone.
And to the boys and girls: You are not toxic and your brother does not have poison inside him. No matter what anyone says, your parents are confused and afraid and angry, do not believe them. There are pains in the world, there is injustice and unfairness and violence, sometimes things don’t make any sense. But always remember, children, that it’s only your behavior that can hurt and that you choose your behavior, you yourself are not poison. You are not poison. So behave in a kind way towards people and when you hurt them, apologize and learn. And forgive your parents.
I am afraid I can never go back and so I never go on
And when the false floor drops you either swim
or you hang
Sometimes you have a friend who kicks open the door
and sometimes they shake it enough
so that it falls open
exposing the universes
What is it to turn away
just for an instant
to turn away and back to what you know
even if what you know is silence
is your protection
just for a second an instant
you turn away
what is anticipation
in the wrong hands
can be most evil