Tag Archive | fear

What is Justice?

Yes.
I have been thinking about this.

It’s what we tell you
it’s what I say
it’s what the guns say
it’s what the laws say
it’s what the loudest say
it’s what the mobs say.

It’s what I tell you.

And I quake
and shake
and quiver…
my finger, I can feel it,
my eyes fill with red
and roll back
from the gut
I can feel it
It’s coming
hot and hard
and with the rise
comes the pointing
my finger
my safety
my understanding

I raise my hand
finger out
eyes rolling back
small spittle motivated

It’s You!

Orgasm.

It’s You!
It’s You!
It’s You!

But I don’t understand…

Ahhhh…but that is not true.

Smoke and Mirrors

There is something coming.
There is always
something coming.

But I am light

And you are light

And what’s coming
is light

You cannot be afraid
of light and live.

This is the test of all time
the one every hero
every sage
every god
has faced
and come through.

We are not meant
for what we think.

What we think is shrouded
in fear
the darkness in front
of the mirror
the smoke

And we can’t see
our reflection
because of it.

Is your life
the smoke
or the mirror.

I Don’t Think You Have What It Takes.

Why would you think it could be different
why the outrage
silly geese
did you think
the bombs that have been raining
for lifetimes
would be forgotten
did you think educational prisons
would be forgotten
did you think, as you played games
on your phone
what your phone cost the world
and who had to pay that cost
did you think as you ate your meals
in your homes
with your electricity
and your recliner
and your refrigeration
and your internet
and your TVs
and your long, luxurious showers…

Did you think about justice
as you’ve been luxuriating?

Do you remember the boy,
face down,
dead.

Do you remember the
dead boy on the beach?
Did you have lunch that day?
Did you go to work that day?
Did you yell at your kid that day?
Did you take a nap that day?
Did you worry about bills that day?
Did you make dinner that day?
Did you talk with friends that day?

Do you remember the dead boy on the beach?

What did you do that day?

Do you remember the naked girl
running and burned and screaming
mouth open
terror
death
raging all around her
she ran naked
towards nothing
away from everything.

If you were alive for that
what did you do when you saw that picture?
Did you go back to schoool?
Did you go out to dinner?
Did you cry,
and then have sex?
Did you take a shower?
Did you read the paper
and agree?

I do not think you are a justice lover.
I think you are a coward
dressed in your caring best
and you don’t even know it.

But you could know it
you could know it
if you really cared about justice
if you really wanted to take the next step

The knowing of your own cowardice
is possible
and the knowing is wisdom
and the way is character
not righteousness.

Stand up for Justice?
I do not think
you have what it takes.

The World’s Greatest Problem

I overheard a conversation between an authority figure and a child today and a lot of how we’re doing this Pandemic thing became clear. You see I’m a child, a child at heart and sometimes a child of the mind and body. I mean, I’m an adult but I’ve worked hard to keep a child like perspective on some things and I’ve worked hard to keep a childish perspective on some things.

On of the things I love about my child like perspecitve is how much joy and beauty I find in life and, how much fun. It’s not always easy but I’ve managed to keep it, strong and youthful, barefooted, sometimes naked, eating with my hands, laying in the grass, being amazed and being sweet.

But I am no child. A child doesn’t have to try to be a child. A child doesn’t have to keep anything alive, at least that’s the hope, because a child is naturally amazed, naturally joyful and present and full of live. Because a child hasn’t been taught, yet, that there are things he or she should fear so deeply that they put their amazement away for cynicism, complaints, misery and conflict (to name a few), like us adults.

So what did I hear today? I heard what is wrong with the world in a single sentence.

What’s the silver lining for you during this Covid-19

That’s is. That was the sentence. And it struck me…why…what causes the need to find a silver lining? Well, a shitty lining, of course. You can’t search for a silver lining if you’re not in the midst of a shitting lining. People who are in the silver lining don’t search for more silver. You have to be unhappy with your current situation if you’re creating the opportunity for a silver lining.

And this is what we, us adults, are doing to and for our kids. We’re assuming, for them, that their lives are shitty and we’re suggesting, based on that assumption, that they try to find something better.

I’m going to come back to to this in a moment, but first I’d ask that you take a moment and think and feel about your kids. Remember their birthday, how that day you became so much more full as a human. Remember how perfect they were (and still are). Remember how you saw and wanted nothing but goodness and love and joy for them in their lives. Can you think of your kids that way?

Now think what you would do and how you would feel if you knew someone was forcing your kids to learn about misery, teaching them how to to focus on negativity, guiding them to disregard their own feelings about life and replace them with feelings of a scared, overwhelmed, stressed out, adult.

What if that adult if you?

Kids are creatures of the present. Everytime we encourage them to abstract we’re encouraging them to get out of the present moment and enter the world of the mind. There is a time and place for this, obviously it’s good if a human learns how to use their mind, but be careful when they are young. Be careful of how you want them to use their mind. Be careful what you feed them, especially if it feels right, to you.

What we do when we assume that our kids are confused and scared and stressed, like us, is that we teach them to be that way. We open up doors to them, we show them how and we are very good teachers, because we’ve been doing it all our lives.

A kid isn’t thinking what we’re thinking. A kid doesn’t understand a global pandemic. A kid isn’t struggling with school being closed…or having more time to play or stay up late, or have less rules or eat more of what they like…A kid is psyched that there’s no more school, and completely pysched about all the other things that come. And stop reading if you’re sensitive, but if your kids isn’t psyched, they’re probably lying or you’ve already embedded your negative assumptions into their fertile little brains.

That’s rough. But you don’t have to keep doing it. And please, don’t keep doing it. Don’t keep leading your child to see the way you see the world, encourage them to be themselves and have enough courage to allow their nurturing gaze and their joy for life, rule, uninhibited and let it wash over your own fear and displeasure. Our children should not learn displeasure from us, they will learn it plenty from the world. You would not want someone to teach your child how to be afraid, especially if they are not, so do not be the someone who teaches fear to children.

Don’t Ignore The Hoard

The hardest question
is good to ask
should we ask
if it’s good enough
to ask.

Ok, Ok…
you asked for it,
you got it,
we gotta take
this pig down
off the spit.

It’s truly time
to figure it.

If someone says
there is a cure
and that someone
and that someone
is not demure
but instead
is brazen
to a fault
and full of surety
and without doubt
and this someone says

WE’VE FOUND A CURE

and rings the bells
and blows the horns
and hoards come running
from near and far
praising whatever superstar
and eagerly holds up their kids
to make them safe
and the virus, rid
and once the commotion
has settled down
and the hoards can then
look around
and set their sites
with determined eye
and begin their hunt
from ground to sky
for anyone who’s not on board,

It’s best not to ignore the hoard.

Free From Right

I
don’t
want to
know what
I am doing
I want to live
and have faith
that life is good
and to put down
the burden of having
the right answer
of doing the right thing
or the wrong thing
to rest the heavy armour
of expectation
in myself
and to walk the earth
as a species of the earth
for the earth
and by the earth

If I walk this way
will things be ok
will I find my way
will the day open to me
paths that never
appeared
in fear of
the unknown
that never appeared
for fear of the unknown
that never appeared
because we never knew
to look

I want to walk in the earth
naked of the cold structure
of habit and society
I want to walk in and out of
all things
loving all things
and being good
to all things
especially those
I don’t find life affirming.

I want to be free from the right answer.
Imagine being free from the right answer.
Don’t be afraid of the fear you feel,
life is good
life is real
fear is what
infects the real
and keeps you seated within the wheel.

I want to be free from the right answer.

For What…?

I don’t know how…

I trust that I am not a child
and therefor do not need
for better or for worst
to be treated like a child.

I trust that death is a part of life
and the no matter what I do
I can not avoid death
So there is no reason
no good reason
to hang on to the energy of fear
of death.

No matter how much I want it not to be true
one day my child will die
there is nothing I can do
it breaks my heart into smithereens
but he will die
or I will die
we will leave each other.

We will leave each other
We will leave each other
We will leave each other

This is as automatic
as breath

All that energy spent
so much energy spent
gone, ground away, burned up
pretending I am in control
of these things

I’m so terrified I run for office
I’m so terrified I yell at people
I’m so terrified I judge others
I’m so terrified I’m right

I’m so terrified I can’t put down
being right
I’m so terrified I can’t put down
being right

I wish the world would leave me alone
and soon enough, it will.
I do not wish to tell others what they
should do or shouldn’t do
I do not know
what you should or shouldn’t do

You shouldn’t hit someone in the face who hasn’t hit you in the face.
there…
That’s one.

But other than that – just look at what’s happening
just look at how much fear
was really underneath
so much fear underneath
so much fear underneath
we will give up everything we worked for
we will subscribe to the one with the
most fearful message
fear matching fear
fear exciting fear
fear feeding fear
Weill listen to the most fearful voice
we will give up everything.

And for what?

And for what?

The Joyous Puzzle

He didn’t know why people were so afraid
he thought maybe he was missing something
maybe he was supposed to be afraid
maybe he was lying to himself
maybe he didn’t know how afraid
he really was

But if he was afraid he didn’t know it
and maybe that’s the same thing
as not being afraid

The thing was
it’s not like he never felt fear
he felt fear a lot

It was more that he also considered death
a lot
and when it came, the consideration
it came like death, in a way,
even the realization of death
even the consideration of death
is like death
fantasy dies
a part of him died
when he considered death so deeply

Had he mourned that death?
he didn’t think so

He did know why people were so afraid
they were hanging on
white knuckled
clawing and hugging to death
like lenny and the rabbit
their lives
their kids
their lovers
their own hearts
hugging to death their own hearts
so they could save themselves from death.

Oh what a world
and joyous puzzle.

Level Head and Open Heart

I go forth
full of pain and
aware of the fear
lapping at my feet
but I am equipped
I am whole
and accept life
and I walk
and if white caps appear
I breath
and put that tumult
in it’s proper container
the container is heavy
and it’s a burden to carry
but I carry it
it does not carry me
and I go forther
full of pain
and aware of the fear
lapping at my feat
but I am equipped
I am whole
and accept life
and I walk

Each step taken
level and open
is a step in joy
joy is not free of pain
or fear
but, instead, full
of life
and all life has.

and I walk.

The Plague Of The Mind

Never before had we been so…
so
aware.

Never again would we be so…
so
aware.

It was our undoing
We were so right
Everyone had an opinion
No one wanted to die

As if we have a choice

comic relief

But then I wonder
maybe it’s me
I just think
I’m the one
they’re coming to see
but really
I’m nobody
and neither is she

And we’re all waving wildly
saying we’re free
with pinwheeling eyes
upon a vast sea
our bodies
our vessels
food for the fishes
we live in our heads
we live in our wishes

And what a treat
this new reality
and if the cost
is the end,
well we know
it’s not free
and for once in our lives
we can remember what’s free
all thanks to a plague
we can remember to be

So don’t be afraid
if your time has come
And don’t be afraid
of the fear that you run
your caught up in your head
and you’re body’s just dead
and you’re mind
has you trapped that’s no fun.

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