Not Understanding

I wish to float
as if on air
or water
un tethered
by my mind
and decisions
as if I am tethered
now
but I am not tethered
just nervous
like a child
on the first day
at a new school
still.

That is ok
and ok to wish
and ok to be tethered
and ok to not be
and ok to be confused
and ok to be nervous
even ok to pretend
you are something
that you are not
in order to quell the fear
and natural chaos.

And so wish away
vision yourself
as you desire to vision
become untethered
if only in spirit
it is only spirit
where anything
can start
so vision yourself
and feel the lost
pain of walking
in the world
of being the strangest
of not understanding
of not enjoying
and being left
and not understanding
and being pointed at
and not understanding.

And not understanding.
And thinking you understand.

But not understanding.