It Doesn’t Have To Be A Mess

I can smell the earth
silence darkened street
my home is separeate
from me
I realize
and that makes me
grateful to be here.

All those that have come
before
speak of waking up
and I feel it
and I never could have
felt it
without being lost
tossed
in this life
created
to survive
meant to distract
what will happen now
when those
that no longer
want the distraction
make their choice.

Peace will happen
and probably death
but death is irrelevant
in peace.

If you want to know your life
know your death
if you want to come through
to a deeper you
know your death.

Life is so sad
so much loss
and me
like a child
hanging on
to his toys
I hang on
to false beliefs
that I deserve
to be alive.

I do not deserve
to be alive
the level to which
I must descend,
my goodness
and if I descend
and I never am
called back
and never return
then I wake up in
this horror
fighting to make
it all seem right
fighting to make
me seem right.

What a fucking mess.