Defeat

I was troubled
and yet walked forth
all the time
in my mind.

It was supposed to be
a celebration
because everyone
was celebrating.

But really
what it was,
a competition
and I was not prepared.

Somehow I was supposed to be
because that’s how
competition works
you prepare.

And even my closest friends
wouldn’t walk with me
and what a surprise
that was.

And so I continued on,
troubled and afraid
and making up
the worst.

My opponent
was bigger, stronger, younger
and I no longer
had the mindset.

But it was the ghost
of my mindset
that brought me
and carried me
full of thought
and dread
and habit
back to the arena.

Why was I here.
Why do I keep walking
so full of trouble.

Why do I keep walking.

I do not think
the answer
is noble,

Yet.