Our 1,000 Yard Stare

Children must rely on adults in times of great disruption, chaos and fear to keep them safe and grounded. We, the adults, are the example, we set the bar for behavior in crazy times. But today the adults, “US”, are so deeply traumatized by the abrupt and complete distruption to our lives and the image of our lives, that we are not making good decisions for our kids or our communities. We’ve got, collectively, what is called the “1,000 yard stare”.

And just as a soldier would not be able to consider or comprehend the next good move for himself or his platoon in this condition, we’re so bereft of being able to understand what’s happened that we’re using Big Bird and birthday parties as incentives for children to get a “vaccine” with no long term testing, for a disease that doesn’t make them sick or kill them, that won’t stop transmission. All while silently rooting for kids and friends who do not agree, to be excluded from public spaces and public privileges and public life.

We are not doing well.

And there is no victory to be had on any side.

We need to take about 150 deep breaths, then we need to stop, because there’s a lot at stake. It’s not really us making the decisions. We’re still in the “1,000 yard stare”, we’re not even off the battlefield yet.

Think about it for a moment. Really stop and think…

Where were you when it all stopped?

I was about to DJ a gig at a big resort in my town, something that had been planned for months. It was going to be a huge gala, in fact I was helping some of the stage hands bring in the real shell of a 57 Chevy, it was going to be one hell of a party. I was just about to sound check. But remember…you could feel something was coming, something big, you could feel it. We had been hearing and reading about closures and the virus…

And in walked the decision makers to tell us that the party was cancelled. To go home and be safe. Which is what we all did. We went home.

And then school stopped.

And then everything stopped.

And the roads went quite. Remember…remember the roads? No cars. And people were walking, staying on different sides, but stopping to say hello and look increduoulsly at each other, united in not understanding a goddamn thing. United and not understanding a goddamn thing.

Then I had to face how to tell my 9 year old boy what was happening in the world, or to tell him at all. I ended up not telling him because I didn’t think it was time for him to know about that kind of fear and death. But I lived with it, just like you. I lived with the strife and stress and fear and the not understanding a goddamn thing. I lived with it while trying to keep a sense of normalcy for my child, just like you. For months. And months. And months.

We lost our jobs. We lost connections to those closest to us and to the fabric of our own lives.

I sit here, writing this and I remember and I feel so much pain, still unreleased and unacknowledged in my body and it begins to come out as I begin to cry over things I thought I had forgotten but remain so poignant and so near to the surface.

tAnd what we are seeing now, friends, what we are seeing, I think is a trauma response. And I think it’s completely understandable and, in a way unavoidable, after all we are programmed to get back to normal, to get back to work, no matter what our bruised souls feel like or have experienced. And so we are all doing the best we can and it is with this in mind that I urge us all to do whatever we must to stop the action around forced vaccines for kids or mandates for adults. I urge us all to stop any activities that segregate based on belief or non-criminal action. We have already been through so much, collectively and if we continue our trauma based response we will make it worse. We are making it worse.

It is possible to believe that vaccines are a good and important choice while at the same time believing that authority is only proper when it’s rooted at the most individual level, to spring up, not to come down from above. This is our community and if we do not shape it in the way we want it will be shapped for us in ways we cannot imagine and do not agree with.

So, friends…here in Vermont and around the world, who are struggling with the nuance and human costs of this most chaotic time, let’s say NO to anything that puts a wedge between us. Let’s say NO to an authority that seeks to divide. Let’s say NO to forcing (through exclusion, revocation and segregation) neighbors to put shots in their arms if it’s not right for them.

It may actually make it harder for a time. But who said that easier is better or even what we want. That is not what we teach our sons and daughters when we want them to strive. We do not teach, “take the easy road”. So let’s not take the easy road now. There are such costs and consequences to our decisions right now and if we are making them with great fear and in great trauma, as we are, they will not yeild the protection and safety we seek and they will destroy further the fabric that holds our communities together. This is not what we want.


This is not what we want.

If you have a comment that is civil, please, share it. If you find this piece helpful, please share it. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.


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2 responses to “Our 1,000 Yard Stare”

  1. East Coast Judo Champion says :

    lol u gonna brand your initials on the pubis of coronavirus


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