Toxic Masculinity Does Not Exist, Part 452

Part 452 in the ongoing series of debunkment.

And before starting, a disclaimer: Looking for men and women who want to put down their assumptions, and deal with the painful reality that is the present. This means examining your own objections, feelings and actions before you point out others. I call these people Allies. We need more Allies.

It doesn’t matter what other people are saying. It doesn’t matter what you’re seeing on TV or in the latest video or social media post (including this one), all that matters is that you want to strive for a better relationship with the opposite sex (of yourself). Basically we’re all at least 49% gay so if you’re at war with the opposite sex, you’re at war with yourself. That’s kind of a joke…but maybe you get my point.

Why should you listen to me about it anyway? Only because I have a penis and have been socialized and biologized as if I have a penis, so I’m an authority on that. I’m an authority on what it means to be socialized and biologized with a penis. This means if there’s anyone out there who hasn’t been Socialized or Biologized with a penis and they’d like to know about it, I’m a good person to ask. The other option is make up a story that you know what it’s like to have a penis and then to take a bunch of actions based on that made up story.

For me, I want to improve the relationship with myself and others, specifically the female. I want there to be less violence in the world and so I want there to be less violence in me, first. I’m really looking for females and males who want this to and are willing to engage around a set of principles that would allow exploration foremost and that would make judgement and justification silly remnants of immaturity.

If you’re a male and you’re bored and frustrated with the same female drive, cliched narrative, then it means you’re going to have to change some things, you’re going to have to step out of the comfort zone of withdrawing yourself in order to avoid the responsibility of disagreement and of owning your own virtue and value. I’ve found it helps to have other men around you to help with this. Males are so used to being a lone and so comfortable with it that we need help to come back to ourselves and begin the process of balancing out the narrative. Because honestly guys, the female narrative is not wrong, but it’s not right either, it’s just half the story masquerading as the full story because we haven’t been willing to take the pain of confronting the female process with compassion and in a masculine way. We’ve contributed to this vacuum of masculinity and it’s time to stop.

If you’re a female the first thing is to get honest. Do you actually want things to change for boys and girls, or just for girls. Do you actually want things to get better for men and women, or just for women. If you’re answer is just or primarily for girls and women, then I challenge you to figure out how that is a humane thing. I understand if what you want is to get back at all the men who have hurt you, but revenge (justified or not) is not a useful method for improving relationships. If you do get honest, you’re going to see that there’s only one way to improvement, and that’s going internal and finding what’s underneath all that rage. From my perspective this requires trust, trust that if you get in touch with and expose the little girl of you that’s been hurt, that’s been let down, you’re not going to be punished for it. There’s very few things men can actually offer women (and vis-a-versa) but one of them (and it can only be offered by a man, not a boy) is the gentle guidance and promise that your little girl is safe with us. There is no hope if women aren’t willing to get into that space to contemplate and act.

And guys…did you hear me…there is no hope if we don’t do whatever is necessary to help women get into that space. When women are in their vulnerability, in their innocence and are encouraged rather than threatened, they can apply their wisdom and vision and they can help men to heal. Without vulnerable women you will not have healthy men.

So not sure how this is all going to come across to you, the reader but if you’re reaction is angry…consider it a gift and go find out who you really are. I’m going to do that after I go beat my dog!