Part 5 – Emotional Trauma Questions

In expressing my experience of the NXIVM “Saga” I come down, often if not always, to some core questions for and about women. And I would like help…will you help?

So, ladies and gents…here goes…

It seems like driving force behind the NXIVM narrative and subsequent actions and consequences for anyone who expressed anything from a general questioning of the narrative all the way up to Keith who lied about the existence of DOS and who proclaims, outright his innocence in all legal charges, was emotional trauma. 

Is that what it was? 

It also seems that if anyone did or does oppose the “official” narrative they were and are met with the rationale of emotional trauma. 

Is that what happened(s)?

It also seems that there was and continues to be a system of authority, in this case the US Government and the media, who created the current narrative, imprisoned people and labeled the entire organization “Criminal” in response to this emotional trauma. 

Is this what happened?

One thing that I think is important before going much further as a man and this is addressed to all the guys involved (or not). Guys, where is our responsibility? How have we created this response by women? What have we done and why? We need to figure out how we’ve treated women so badly all our lives in order…

No we don’t. Guys…No. We. Don’t.

When I was writing this, I was PTSD’d into basically putting down these questions about emotional trauma. Internally I had a voice saying to me, it’s you, it’s you, you need to look at how this is all about you and how you’ve acted so badly. I spoke to another man about this and he said the same thing…we were having a gentle and questioning experience of exploring some of the above questions, we were not feeling violent or angry towards women (or men), and all of sudden the male voice of “it’s your issue, you’re the bad one, you need to fix yourself before you can say anything, it’s all you, it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY” came out and tried to shut down our own thoughtful and genuine and real questions. What the hell…

So, guys (and ladies)…No, we don’t have to justify our genuine questions, we are allowed to have them. They might be painful to consider or difficult to answer or impossible to answer, or phrased wrong or even tinged with our own programming and faults but, we are allowed. We are allowed to ask, it’s ok to ask. Your questions are genuine, they are your truth, they are not irresponsible as they are almost always made to appear and as you make them appear.

I don’t even realize I’m doing this. I don’t even realize I’m taking responsibility in my heart for everything. Nothing escapes and it is always my fault. Ladies, are you aware that your man does this?  Do you know that your man’s habit and indoctrination to internalize his own irresponsiblity leads him to feel an often impossibly heavy weight against even knowing his truth let alone expressing it?

Ladies, expressing your truth is important to you, we all know this, we all accept this. Well is it important for men also? Women, I know that you know about this, you struggle for it and the world welcomes your struggle and struggles with you. But that’s the thing…you know about it and the world accepts it.

Men don’t even know that they have a truth that might be expressed. They’re not even aware that there is a struggle in this regard. To men, it’s our responsibility and our fault and if we have a genuine, innocent question or concern or observation (which is a big “IF), we, men, will often kill it before it reaches the light of day. This is obviously not good for men but it’s also not good for women.

So if there are any females out there that would like to take on some of the questions above I would really appreciate it. These are genuine questions for me, there are questions that are not meant to harm or hurt or demean. I think emotional trauma and the way it’s being used is causing great harm and I hope to find some folks willing to do the painful work of talking about it.

As always, thank you for reading and please share if you find this good and feel free to comment in a civil manner.

Click here to read earlier parts of my NXIVM story

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